Some Asshole's Grief Tips
I subscribe to a few group email lists. One is a networking site and another is a bulletin board for all the people who work for my company (about 2000.) The work bulletin board constantly amazes me because people try to sell the shittiest shit for top dollar, always want recos for "cheap" things that should never be cheap ("looking for cheap doctor, cheap lawyer, cheap contractor"), pass along the dumbest scammiest information about puppies and sick children and ask the same work-related questions constantly.
The networking site is of a higher grade, but this week I received an email, the sheer hubris of which is mind-numbing. We've all known people who have died, sister, yet she's really offended by the things people say to her. I HATE people like this. She thinks her grief is worse than anyone else's yet she has the time to send around a grief tutorial. Here you go, in its entirety, save for names:
Dear Group,
I'm not sure if this will be helpful or not, but thought I would share it...
I just lost a very dear friend of 18 years very suddenly last week and have since been in the position to receive condolences. Although I know everyone means well, there are certain things that have been extraordinarily helpful and others that have served to exacerbate my grief. I just wanted to share some tips in how to deal with someone's loss of a loved one in the event that you're ever in the position to help console someone.
HELPFUL:
Say "I'm so sorry for your loss" - simple, true, and amazingly nice to hear.
Say "Is there anything I can do to help?" - often times, there isn't... but knowing someone is available to you is very comforting.
Talk about the person in the present tense so that their impact on the world is still real and tangible.
Talk about how that person positively affected your life, the world, etc.
Listen... just listen... don't try to fix or make it all better, because nothing can fix the loss.
Allow time for sadness and grief to be expressed.
NOT HELPFUL/DO NOT:
Say "You'll feel better soon" - uuuuuuuuggggh Say "They are in a better place" - the only place you want them is here with you now, regardless of your religious beliefs.
Talk about how life moves on... or say anything that would serve to try to fix or erase the loss. We all know that time will serve to lessen the pain, but when you're in the midst of experiencing it you want to be allowed to grieve and honor the person who was important to you, not sweep their death under the rug.
Say "How are you doing?" unless you are a very close friend or family member
- there really aren't words to explain how you're doing and it puts you on the spot and just doesn't help.
**There is no need at all to send any condolences my way after reading this!
I appreciate this community greatly and know that your thoughts are with me.
If you'd like to know my dear friend, you can get a sense of her on the website her sister XOXOXOX posted for her: www.XOXOXOXO.com Reading the guestbook of those who knew her showcases XOXOXOX's legacy of laughter, light and love. She was helping to raise her sister's son, beautiful little XOXOXOX, and if you're moved to donate to his college fund please do... I know the family could really use that help and support.
All best,
XOXOXOX
The networking site is of a higher grade, but this week I received an email, the sheer hubris of which is mind-numbing. We've all known people who have died, sister, yet she's really offended by the things people say to her. I HATE people like this. She thinks her grief is worse than anyone else's yet she has the time to send around a grief tutorial. Here you go, in its entirety, save for names:
Dear Group,
I'm not sure if this will be helpful or not, but thought I would share it...
I just lost a very dear friend of 18 years very suddenly last week and have since been in the position to receive condolences. Although I know everyone means well, there are certain things that have been extraordinarily helpful and others that have served to exacerbate my grief. I just wanted to share some tips in how to deal with someone's loss of a loved one in the event that you're ever in the position to help console someone.
HELPFUL:
Say "I'm so sorry for your loss" - simple, true, and amazingly nice to hear.
Say "Is there anything I can do to help?" - often times, there isn't... but knowing someone is available to you is very comforting.
Talk about the person in the present tense so that their impact on the world is still real and tangible.
Talk about how that person positively affected your life, the world, etc.
Listen... just listen... don't try to fix or make it all better, because nothing can fix the loss.
Allow time for sadness and grief to be expressed.
NOT HELPFUL/DO NOT:
Say "You'll feel better soon" - uuuuuuuuggggh Say "They are in a better place" - the only place you want them is here with you now, regardless of your religious beliefs.
Talk about how life moves on... or say anything that would serve to try to fix or erase the loss. We all know that time will serve to lessen the pain, but when you're in the midst of experiencing it you want to be allowed to grieve and honor the person who was important to you, not sweep their death under the rug.
Say "How are you doing?" unless you are a very close friend or family member
- there really aren't words to explain how you're doing and it puts you on the spot and just doesn't help.
**There is no need at all to send any condolences my way after reading this!
I appreciate this community greatly and know that your thoughts are with me.
If you'd like to know my dear friend, you can get a sense of her on the website her sister XOXOXOX posted for her: www.XOXOXOXO.com Reading the guestbook of those who knew her showcases XOXOXOX's legacy of laughter, light and love. She was helping to raise her sister's son, beautiful little XOXOXOX, and if you're moved to donate to his college fund please do... I know the family could really use that help and support.
All best,
XOXOXOX
posted by Bart at 10:08 PM
1 Comments:
Cupid Stunt.
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