Celebs & Their Fans

I got Charlize's #1 Fan Angry

When I was a kid I was really into celebrities. I remember being exhausted one Tuesday in 8th grade bio and when my friend asked me why I looked so tired I said it was because I had stayed up until 12:45 to watch the Oscars. She looked at me like I was insane as nobody really did that then. Today it's probably a homework assignment.

My interest in the famous continued and accelerated and, until I was about 26, I worked in an industry that crossed over a lot with the entertainment industry and I had a lot of dealings with celebrities. I have had encounters with hundreds of actors and actresses and famous people and I have a lot of stories, some about nice celebs but most about not-so-nice celebs but that's not what this post is about...

(Ah, fuck it--1 quick story because it is wholesome & always cracks me up: Harry Hamlin at the height of "LA Law" viewing potential clothing for an awards show. The conversation was strictly professional, all about clothing. We had a stack of shirts in front of us:

Me: (Pointing at striped shirt) Do you like stripes?

Harry: Ah, they're OK.

Me: (Indicating solid shirt) How about solids?

Harry: Mmmm, not really.

Me: (Holding up print shirt) What about prints? Do you like prints?

Harry: (Pauses briefly) I really liked "1999" & "Purple Rain" but I don't really like his new stuff.

My friend told me the expression on my face was priceless.

Anyway, if you ply me with good Scotch, I'll tell nastier stories but for now that's all you get. Suffice to say, throw out a name and I have story.)

But, back to my point. I became disillusioned with my old career and gradually weaned myself off celebrities. They just meant nothing to me anymore as a symbol and, as the products they appeared in held little value to me, I found myself waking up one day and just not caring. Now, I think it is in my DNA and whether or not I want to I will always be aware of what is going on in that world. It's almost like having relatives you don't talk to but your cousin keeps you apprised of their ups and downs.

The funny thing is, as I became less interested, it seemed that the world at large was becoming increasingly obsessed.

I wrote about the Us magazine phenomenon on my old blog over 2 years ago and I don't want to revisit that except to say that it has gotten worse since then. (And, on another note, a photo shoot in Us Magazine of Sam J. Jones in a wet, flesh-colored Speedo was one of the very first things I jerked off to.)

The one aspect I am curious about though is the fan, particularly the rabid fan. There is a site I like to go on called Dlisted. I like it because it takes all the latest nasty star photos and gossip and aggregates it on one site and everyone who posts is generally quite vicious and, quite frankly, I practice one liners there all the time. Well, there was an unflattering photo of Charlize Theron and I said something which someone didn't like. Now, I don't particularly have an opinion of her as an actress but it is my feeling that if I see someone famous in an ugly dress and I have something truly humorous to say about it, it is my right. As a matter of fact, entire careers have been built on such notions. But wouldn't you know Charlize's biggest fan came after me. And boy was she mad! She was spewing such obscenities that one of my favorite Tony Soprano lines came to mind: "Whoa! Language! Do you suck your Daddy's cock with that mouth?"

Anyway, I don't care that much about the insults. What fascinates me is the motivation and the pathology behind the attack. Does this person intend to print out the exchange and send it to Charlize and have Charlize be so eternally grateful that she invites her to become her second personal assistant? Is that where this comes from? Because in my opinion, that is a mental illness. I mean it's fine to daydream but when you start concocting personalities and traits for celebrities that you do not know, well you are getting into the territory of the famous fans of Rebeccca Schaefer, Jodie Foster & John Lennon.

I might take my opinion a bit far, but I actually shudder when I read letters from readers in magazines such as “Premiere” or even “Interview.”

How dare you leave Sonia Braga off your list of the 25 greatest Latin actors!

I can’t believe you wrote that Faye Dunaway is no longer relevant! Ms. Dunaway is a living legend!

And so on. I can’t help hearing a tone in those letters. Again, a tone that they feel that Ms. Dunaway is going to read that letter and find a way to contact her defender. It makes me shudder.