Jean Harris

Jean Harris

I was reading some reviews of the HBO Jean Harris Bio-Pic airing tomorrow night and it got me reminiscing about 1980. I remember sitting at my kitchen table doing homework with some talk-radio station on when I first heard the news that Headmistress Harris had shot and killed The Scarsdale Diet Doc. I really didn't care all that much but I remember my sister and mother were riveted to that case. Must be something about a crime of passion in seemingly mild-mannered people.

My sister and mother used to talk on the phone for hours it seemed. My mother hates talking on the phone and later told me she was only doing it for Sheila. My sister got married far too young (22) and had two kids by 25. She was the perfect example of unrealized dreams. She always used to talk about opening a bookstore or an antique shop.

She was a lot older than me and when she was 20 she used to take me to the supermarket. I was about 5 and I remember enjoying making believe that she was my mom. She was always a little silly and fun to be with. She had a job in the public library once and all the old ladies who worked there used to fawn over me.

She was very hot, too. She had this whole long dark hair Cher, Liza Minnelli eye makeup, mini-skirts and thigh high black leather boot thing going on. I remember she and her friend Eve asking me once which was better, Eve's green eye shadow or Sheila's blue. I think I liked Eve's. I always put art above nepotism.

Sheila had a lot of boyfriends and I know she only married Mike because she was pregnant. They went to Scotland on vacation and she came home knocked up. I don't know why she did not have an abortion.

Married life never worked for her and she was a horrible homemaker with a filthy house and she was an awful cook.

I think her only outlet at times was movies and she used to take me to a lot of them. Really bad ones of my choosing, just to get out of the house. She was more or less OK until her third pregnancy. By that time she had a part time job and life probably seemed a little better. But that third baby did her in. Too much work. Too crowded. Money tight.

And that last baby was a beauty. I had been close enough in age to the first one to be palsy with her. The second one I was ambivalent about. But the third I adored and I was the godfather.

But that child was a handful. When I was a junior in high school, Sheila became upset about a chemical company opening near her home. She had always been obsessed with 3 Mile Island and "Silkwood", etc. She became convinced that this company was going to poison her.

I distinctly remember the day a line was crossed. She went from being upset to being irrational to being crazy.

It all happened so fast. She lost the ability to function. Almost instantly, she was sent away for 30 day observation. Her daughter and son stayed with me and my mom and dad and her baby went to her sister-in-law's on Long Island. Only writing this now can I appreciate how terrifying this must have been for her three kids. And her husband worked and came to our house for dinner.

She ended up being away for about 9 months. I remember she was convinced that certain drugs (Elavil) had ruined her eye sight and no amount of testing could prove her right. It was complete paranoia.

Things were never the same when she came home. Her husband was weak. Sheila somehow blamed all her problems on my mother and father and, to a lesser extent; my brother and I were guilty by association.

We had been a very close family but after all of this it was in tatters. For a host of reasons, my family moved and after that we had no contact with Sheila and her family. It was too painful for my mother; I was too young and self-involved to care all that much, and my brother and father were somewhat ambivalent.

My sister is in her 50s now. I have not spoken to her since April of 1986. I saw her at my grandmother's funeral in 1991 but she did not speak to anyone. I have not seen my two nephews since 1986. My niece contacted me in 1991 and I took her to lunch but never heard from her again. I have since heard she had a child and is a single mother.

Sometimes I miss the family that could have been but I don't get bogged down in that and instead focus on the family that I have. My sister is a nice memory from when I was a little boy. One of the hardest things about this had been trying to explain to people who knew us why we behaved the way we behaved. Some people just would think "Oh, she's your sister/daughter so you should be moving heaven and earth to see her." But that's only in the movies. In reality, she was a 30+ year old woman with her own family and she made her own decisions and there was only so much beating up my Mom and Dad could take. Everyone's family is different. Enough said.