Losing My Mind
I need something to take my mind off this work/new job thing. Sex, exercise, drugs and alcohol are not working (although I keep trying.) After my semi-bad 5th interview Wednesday, I waited until last night to email the head guy. Just a basic "thanks for all your help on arranging these interviews, let me know next steps, I'm available to discuss anything else, etc."
He has not written me back which is a bit odd as he has been fairly fast to reply in the past and he is on his Blackberry a lot.
It is making me crazy. I want to not think about it but my mind keeps rounding back to it and I keep trying to second guess it:
1) Why did the point person not email me back?
a) Because he is getting my rejection letter ready
b) Because he has not made up his mind
c) Because he is busy
d) Because he is getting offer terms ready
e) None of the above.
When in doubt, go with "E." But I hate trying to figure this out. Part of me thinks that he should have sent me something by now if he was interested, just to keep me happy.
But I also find it hard to believe that after the level of intimacy we have had over the last several months and the many meetings, that he would unceremoniously write me a Dear John letter. It would be very bad form.
I am stressed. This job would mean a lot for me and I am a perfect fit for it. I feel like if I do not get it I will be extremely depressed.
I have a tendency to feel like nothing good ever happens to me and a tendency to not get things I want, to get second place, to fight a good fight and not win. I know I am whining now and I should probably think about Katrina victims or kids with cancer but I don't feel like. I've had a run of exceptionally shitty luck for 5 years and some days I get very down about it. My life has been off-track for so long.
I just feel that if I get this job, some faith I have lost will be restored. Nobody networks more than me. I have kept in touch with literally hundreds of people, some I have known for 30 years and some I have known for 1. I enjoy it and do it out of genuineness, however not one of my friendships has ever resulted in a tangible job lead.
Sometimes I feel very alone and I think that is one of the reasons that I write here. I don't mean "alone" in that I am looking for friends, I mean "alone" in that I have a lot of negative thoughts that I do not feel comfortable sharing with friends and loved ones.
Getting knocked down and getting up again works for a while, but after several times it becomes a tedious pattern and I just want it to end.
He has not written me back which is a bit odd as he has been fairly fast to reply in the past and he is on his Blackberry a lot.
It is making me crazy. I want to not think about it but my mind keeps rounding back to it and I keep trying to second guess it:
1) Why did the point person not email me back?
a) Because he is getting my rejection letter ready
b) Because he has not made up his mind
c) Because he is busy
d) Because he is getting offer terms ready
e) None of the above.
When in doubt, go with "E." But I hate trying to figure this out. Part of me thinks that he should have sent me something by now if he was interested, just to keep me happy.
But I also find it hard to believe that after the level of intimacy we have had over the last several months and the many meetings, that he would unceremoniously write me a Dear John letter. It would be very bad form.
I am stressed. This job would mean a lot for me and I am a perfect fit for it. I feel like if I do not get it I will be extremely depressed.
I have a tendency to feel like nothing good ever happens to me and a tendency to not get things I want, to get second place, to fight a good fight and not win. I know I am whining now and I should probably think about Katrina victims or kids with cancer but I don't feel like. I've had a run of exceptionally shitty luck for 5 years and some days I get very down about it. My life has been off-track for so long.
I just feel that if I get this job, some faith I have lost will be restored. Nobody networks more than me. I have kept in touch with literally hundreds of people, some I have known for 30 years and some I have known for 1. I enjoy it and do it out of genuineness, however not one of my friendships has ever resulted in a tangible job lead.
Sometimes I feel very alone and I think that is one of the reasons that I write here. I don't mean "alone" in that I am looking for friends, I mean "alone" in that I have a lot of negative thoughts that I do not feel comfortable sharing with friends and loved ones.
Getting knocked down and getting up again works for a while, but after several times it becomes a tedious pattern and I just want it to end.
posted by Bart at 10:55 PM
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