Lousy Day

Today was a pretty horrible day. Dude and I were at an all time low in our relationship and I have to say I’m beginning to get pretty numb to it all. There was a time when his mood swings would have set me off and I would have spent an eternity trying to figure out what I did wrong and how to make it better. Now I really don’t care all that much.

I find his behavior completely childish and I would be embarrassed to tell anyone about it. He’s upset so he literally sulks on a couch all day and speaks in monotones. It gets me so mad I just want to shake him or hit him to get a reaction. But I didn’t.

But, I did let him ruin my day. Not that it matters: I’ve been working like a dog since his surgery and I don’t even get a word of thanks. I couldn’t even go to the gym today because I had to:

1) Listen to his issues
2) Clean the bathroom
3) Wash the towels
4) Make lunch and make dinner
5) Clean up after making lunch and making dinner
6) Do work for my job
7) Do work for looking for a new job

This is all so bourgeoisie and mundane. I am sorry.

All I keep thinking is that I need to just chill until I find a new job. I can’t make any major decisions until I have a better income. Then, when everything is lovely, I will consider clearly whether or not I want to leave him.