It's Official
I'm getting bored again. I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't seem to be happy unless I'm striving, unless I'm unhappy. Work is fine. People like me. My job is secure for now. But I am incapable of saying "isn't that good, why don't I enjoy life for a while." No, instead I get bored, I get antsy, I crave some conflict. This is what drives me to mix drugs and sleep with strangers and exercise until I am throbbing. Not that I'm doing any of those things right now, no, instead I am sitting here wondering what's next?
I'm feeling very mortal lately. Feeling older. Looking older. It's nice in some ways. I feel wise. I like being ignored by teenagers. I like being attracted to 50 year olds (but I will not forget the 20 year olds.) I like not caring about "MySpace." I like the fact that I had a lifetime before the Internet. I like that my whole generation watched reruns of The Brady Bunch. I don't think stuff like that happens anymore. TV reaches a fraction of what it used to and they don't show the reruns in order. I like that back in the day you knew the last BB episode had Greg graduating from high school with the hair disaster and it was always followed the next day by the first episode with Mike and Carol marrying. And on and on.
What I don't like is being tired a lot and having both knees ache and finding it harder to eat what I used to and burn off what I used to. But I do like that I have changed a lot from when I was younger. I'm less shallow and more confident. I can have sex with men who have some extra weight. It doesn't bother me. It makes me feel more relaxed. When I was younger I had to try and have sex with perfect looking men so I could convince myself it elevated me. Now I don't care so much about looks, it's more about sparks, it's more about the potential for good sex, for a connection however brief.
I'm looking forward to the long weekend. I want to sleep a lot. But I know I wont.
I'm feeling very mortal lately. Feeling older. Looking older. It's nice in some ways. I feel wise. I like being ignored by teenagers. I like being attracted to 50 year olds (but I will not forget the 20 year olds.) I like not caring about "MySpace." I like the fact that I had a lifetime before the Internet. I like that my whole generation watched reruns of The Brady Bunch. I don't think stuff like that happens anymore. TV reaches a fraction of what it used to and they don't show the reruns in order. I like that back in the day you knew the last BB episode had Greg graduating from high school with the hair disaster and it was always followed the next day by the first episode with Mike and Carol marrying. And on and on.
What I don't like is being tired a lot and having both knees ache and finding it harder to eat what I used to and burn off what I used to. But I do like that I have changed a lot from when I was younger. I'm less shallow and more confident. I can have sex with men who have some extra weight. It doesn't bother me. It makes me feel more relaxed. When I was younger I had to try and have sex with perfect looking men so I could convince myself it elevated me. Now I don't care so much about looks, it's more about sparks, it's more about the potential for good sex, for a connection however brief.
I'm looking forward to the long weekend. I want to sleep a lot. But I know I wont.
posted by Bart at 10:51 PM
6 Comments:
You're so fucking funny, there's nothing wrong with sleeping with strangers, you need to relax dude, smoke some weed, that's what I do.
Take this test!
http://www.9types.com/newtest/homepage.actual.html
And let me know what you score, then I'll tell you what I am.
Well, I only got 4 types even above 0. Hands down Type 3 Followed by a tie on Type 2 and Type 8.
Interesting, I scored an overwhelming 8 then tied on 1 and 3. I guess I really am an asshole. I always score the strongest, most obnoxious personality on all those types of test. Yours doesn't seem that bad. Thanks for playing along.
#1The Reformer. The rational, idealistic type.
Type 2: The Helper. The caring, nurturing type.
Type 3: The Motivator. The adaptable, success-oriented type.
Type 4: The Artist. The intuitive, reserved type.
Type 5: The Thinker. The perceptive, cerebral type.
Type 6: The Skeptic. The committed, security-oriented type.
Type 7: The Generalist. The enthusiastic, productive type.
Type 8: The Leader. The powerful, aggressive type.
Type 9: The Peacemaker. The easygoing, accommodating type.
1,4,-2,5,0,-3,6,-7,-4
You might as well had me that speedball now
Cool Mickey, I was hoping you'd take it it too. Yours is really good. I liked this test. Here's a link that goes into more detail.
http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/descript.asp
mate you are fucking hilarious - from the the & alexis to your personal phychosis & new cooker. stumbled across your blog today after checking in with a friend who is living in NYC for a time.
from an empathiser and admirer in sydney
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