Update
Well, it's our first heat wave of the summer tonight and I saw some woman on the news who was 40 if she was a day talking about how she doesn't "ever remember summers this hot" and it "must be global warming." I hate stupid people who yak to newspeople. Uh, this summer has not been bad. I remember summers with like 9 days in a row of 90+ and oppressive humidity and just never feeling cool. I remember walking down the street trying to do a mind over matter thing and channel a January chill. It did not work. It's hot. Get over it. And hope there's no blackout.
I am going to Atlanta for work for several days Wednesday. I am not in the mood. I have to be very on as it 100% work related. Work is fine. I am in a routine now where I am paying off my debt and just chugging along. It is a bit dull but necessary.
My friend just got a new job. She is in banking (but a shitty area of banking) so she will be making something like 300K total package. I am happy for her. Honestly. The older I get the less motivated I am by money. I mean it is important and shoes are nice and we're all going to get old and there's nothing more frightening than "old and poor" but I am lucky in that I don't worry about my old age because my parents are not rich but they will leave me enough just because it seemed that anybody who has a Dad who was a company man and worked from the 50s through the 80s is in a similar boat. Them days be over, though. Nobody works in a white collar job for 40 years any more. Anyway, I'm not worried about my old age and as far as now, money does not make me happy. What does make me happy? All sorts of things: having good conversations, making good food, exercise, good sex---What makes me happy is more or less anything that involves my doing something I'm good at and having people worship me for it. I am serious. With that info I am very easy to manipulate. >>> For instance, I saw a guy on the subway today:
1) Not really my type physically (lean/skinny)
2) Had a gay vibe
3) Vaguely teutonic features, I'd say German/Irish
4) late 30s/early 40s--dressed a tad juvenile and with a knapsack on his back that looked like he had a TV set crammed into
He looked like just the kind of guy that always goes for me and that I'm not into. So I waited for him to notice me and to try and get my attention. The whole train ride. I was looking forward to his looking at me, me getting hard (cause attention gets me hard) him looking at me more. But it never happened. Which made him begin to become attractive. And on and on. Not everybody wants me, I grudgingly accept that though I even make myself laugh sometimes because I do think everybody wants me, it is absurd, I know that. (yet why in a city of so many ignoring each other do so many people look at me? he still asks...) Know thyself. I know my-thy very well.
Anyway, I'm a bit bored. Nothing is doing it for me. I have no new interests these days. For so long I was all about the new job/the real estate search/doing the house/working on the body constantly/writing my wonderful novel of which I had a Wm Morris agent who could not sell it to these retarded publishers and now it languishes on my hard drive---all those things were my obsession for years.
Now I do not have one. I feel like this is a petit mid-life crisis of sorts? I dunno? Maybe just a melancholy.
I could use a good affair. I emailed with an old bf who is now the ripe old age of 23 (too old, I'm like Michael Jackson when they get past 11 lol) He mentioned that he has a sort of bf who is 38 and they have their differences etc. Of course they do. I loved the sex with this kid, he was a pig and a cock crazy animal with a butt designed by Michelangelo...however (and this is a big however) memememememememememe, that's all I ever heard. Of course that's to be expected from a 21/22 y/o but it was so boring when we were not fucking. Anyway, that was a hot summer thing, maybe that's all I want, I dunno. Well, it's off to Atlanta soon enough. Keep cool.
I am going to Atlanta for work for several days Wednesday. I am not in the mood. I have to be very on as it 100% work related. Work is fine. I am in a routine now where I am paying off my debt and just chugging along. It is a bit dull but necessary.
My friend just got a new job. She is in banking (but a shitty area of banking) so she will be making something like 300K total package. I am happy for her. Honestly. The older I get the less motivated I am by money. I mean it is important and shoes are nice and we're all going to get old and there's nothing more frightening than "old and poor" but I am lucky in that I don't worry about my old age because my parents are not rich but they will leave me enough just because it seemed that anybody who has a Dad who was a company man and worked from the 50s through the 80s is in a similar boat. Them days be over, though. Nobody works in a white collar job for 40 years any more. Anyway, I'm not worried about my old age and as far as now, money does not make me happy. What does make me happy? All sorts of things: having good conversations, making good food, exercise, good sex---What makes me happy is more or less anything that involves my doing something I'm good at and having people worship me for it. I am serious. With that info I am very easy to manipulate. >>> For instance, I saw a guy on the subway today:
1) Not really my type physically (lean/skinny)
2) Had a gay vibe
3) Vaguely teutonic features, I'd say German/Irish
4) late 30s/early 40s--dressed a tad juvenile and with a knapsack on his back that looked like he had a TV set crammed into
He looked like just the kind of guy that always goes for me and that I'm not into. So I waited for him to notice me and to try and get my attention. The whole train ride. I was looking forward to his looking at me, me getting hard (cause attention gets me hard) him looking at me more. But it never happened. Which made him begin to become attractive. And on and on. Not everybody wants me, I grudgingly accept that though I even make myself laugh sometimes because I do think everybody wants me, it is absurd, I know that. (yet why in a city of so many ignoring each other do so many people look at me? he still asks...) Know thyself. I know my-thy very well.
Anyway, I'm a bit bored. Nothing is doing it for me. I have no new interests these days. For so long I was all about the new job/the real estate search/doing the house/working on the body constantly/writing my wonderful novel of which I had a Wm Morris agent who could not sell it to these retarded publishers and now it languishes on my hard drive---all those things were my obsession for years.
Now I do not have one. I feel like this is a petit mid-life crisis of sorts? I dunno? Maybe just a melancholy.
I could use a good affair. I emailed with an old bf who is now the ripe old age of 23 (too old, I'm like Michael Jackson when they get past 11 lol) He mentioned that he has a sort of bf who is 38 and they have their differences etc. Of course they do. I loved the sex with this kid, he was a pig and a cock crazy animal with a butt designed by Michelangelo...however (and this is a big however) memememememememememe, that's all I ever heard. Of course that's to be expected from a 21/22 y/o but it was so boring when we were not fucking. Anyway, that was a hot summer thing, maybe that's all I want, I dunno. Well, it's off to Atlanta soon enough. Keep cool.
posted by Bart at 10:21 PM
1 Comments:
Ha! The global warming! What about the 'Summer of Sam' and the blackout. People are such douchebags and so are the newspeople who continue to ask 'Joe Blow Moron-on-the Street' for their input. This is freaking NYC, can they not find someone with a smarter soundbite? It's like when they show the Pride Parade and they talk to the biggest fruitcake or most outrageous Tranny Pre/Post Op they could find. Why do I continually listen to BBC? Because, I learn stuff. Because it makes me feel like I am having an intelligent conversation with someone. Why do these other stations have more viewers than the BBC? Because the people watching it can relate to the insipid remarks left by 'the global warming idjit.' Fat man with t.v. tray turns to fat wife with t.v. tray,"You know, she's right honey. Pass me the Mayo."
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