ass wipe
I can be fairly nasty---both verbally and physically---but only when provoked. This often occurs on the foul subway.
Today, on my way home, I was forced to nearly knock a man over as he was walking up the stairs and I was running down as there was---gasp---an N at 14th street heading to Brooklyn. This happens very rarely and I get as excited about it as old foreign women do when they see the Virgin Mary's face in a potato chip.
Anyway, it was rush hour and this guy was slow, was walking on the left side of the stairs and should have known better. He was also youngish and fairly hale and hearty, yet he looked so stricken when faced with me barelling towards him.
Well, lo and behold, I got on the train and it was a Q. The Q and the N have huge cars and the letter is barely discernible on the outside of the train if it is already stopped so half the time you do not know until you are on it. So, I got off at Canal to wait for the fabled N.
Canal is hell: I have seen Chinese people picking their noses, eating all sorts of rubbish, and chattering crowding pushing jostling. Today I had a grown woman drinking an iced drink through a fat straw and she kept sucking it up and then letting it back into the big paper glass. Suck, let go, suck, let go, suck, let go. It made the most repulsive noise and that is when I began to want to push her against the wall and pour her drink on the tracks.
When the train came, some people pushed ahead of me onto the car and I was getting on and people were still getting off and this guy getting off totally tensed his body really hard and did a kind of barrel through me thing. So I looked at him and just scowled and kind of growled a low disgusted "watch out." It was really good.
Then, as he's getting off the train he starts with, all flustered, as he's moving and a million people are still getting off and on: "Why don't you wait until I'm off the train you, you ass wipe! You stupid fuck!" The guy was so lame and it was so funny because I'm sure nobody heard me but everyone on the train and the plat heard him and thought he was psycho muttering to himself. But gotta love ass wipe. Wow, that hurts. For about 5 minutes I kinda fantasized about getting off the train and just pounding his face into pulp. Then I felt better.
Today, on my way home, I was forced to nearly knock a man over as he was walking up the stairs and I was running down as there was---gasp---an N at 14th street heading to Brooklyn. This happens very rarely and I get as excited about it as old foreign women do when they see the Virgin Mary's face in a potato chip.
Anyway, it was rush hour and this guy was slow, was walking on the left side of the stairs and should have known better. He was also youngish and fairly hale and hearty, yet he looked so stricken when faced with me barelling towards him.
Well, lo and behold, I got on the train and it was a Q. The Q and the N have huge cars and the letter is barely discernible on the outside of the train if it is already stopped so half the time you do not know until you are on it. So, I got off at Canal to wait for the fabled N.
Canal is hell: I have seen Chinese people picking their noses, eating all sorts of rubbish, and chattering crowding pushing jostling. Today I had a grown woman drinking an iced drink through a fat straw and she kept sucking it up and then letting it back into the big paper glass. Suck, let go, suck, let go, suck, let go. It made the most repulsive noise and that is when I began to want to push her against the wall and pour her drink on the tracks.
When the train came, some people pushed ahead of me onto the car and I was getting on and people were still getting off and this guy getting off totally tensed his body really hard and did a kind of barrel through me thing. So I looked at him and just scowled and kind of growled a low disgusted "watch out." It was really good.
Then, as he's getting off the train he starts with, all flustered, as he's moving and a million people are still getting off and on: "Why don't you wait until I'm off the train you, you ass wipe! You stupid fuck!" The guy was so lame and it was so funny because I'm sure nobody heard me but everyone on the train and the plat heard him and thought he was psycho muttering to himself. But gotta love ass wipe. Wow, that hurts. For about 5 minutes I kinda fantasized about getting off the train and just pounding his face into pulp. Then I felt better.
posted by Bart at 9:37 PM
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