Mom

I was speaking to my mother on Sunday, as usual. I was going to tell her I would stop by for dinner and to visit on Wednesday or Thursday. But she sounded depressed and about 1/3 of the way into the call she told me my brother got married on Saturday. Neither onw of us can remember if it was 3 or 4. #2 may have never been legal. Whatever. It's a non-event to me. I'm not close to him and he lives in Eastern Europe and he has been back here once in the last 10 years.

But my mother was carrying on as she does not approve and it was no win for me because I could not critcize my brother or risk her wrath nor could I commend him because it would seem hollow. I decided not to visit this week. My mother is obsessed with my brother, like Miss Ellie was with Gary.

In the summer when she was in her K-Hole of depression she lashed out at me and said something like "can't you have some compassion for him, you have so much!" She said it in such a nasty resentful manner. I just kept calm even though it is absurd: I don't have so much and at the time she said that to me I had just stood up after 5 years of utter financial instability. But Sunday I thought about that again and thought back to 1990 when I was living in squalor and she offered to come look at new apartments with me. There was this really great place I really wanted but all she kept saying was "this would be great for your brother and Kim." It's like A) we're looking for me and B) This would be great for her. She never got that my brother does what he wants to do and will not fit into her idea of what he should do. Anyway, she ceases having any interest in me when she gets like this. I told her about how I went to this chichi event and met famous people (that she heard of) and all I got was a dull "that's nice."