Weekend

I had a really nice long weekend.

This is my firts Spring/Summer in the house and my first time with a grill so every night I have been grilling. I'm enjoying watering and caring for the plants and flowers. I love these kick-ass powerful ACs I have which make the fake "central AC" of NYC apartments seem like swamp living.

The only thing that is getting me down are these allergies. 4 weeks of mild to severe discomfort. Right now my head is stuffed and my nose is running and I am coughing. When does this end? My first time ever with this reaction.

One of my best friends and her husband have a gray cloud over their lives. He's in his own business which has its ups and downs. She had a miscarriage a year ago. Then in the summer her parents dropped a Lifetime MOTW bombshell on her and told her that her father had been arrested at a public pool for performing oral sex on a guy. An underage guy. And oh yeah, the Feds took their computer because he is part of a larger sting operation on computer sex crimes. Then, a week ago, he got into a terrible car accident and broke his knees, his pelvis and assorted other things and has burns on his body from being dragged on the road. Maybe I will not complain about my allergies.

The people a few houses away from me have a pool. They have 4 kids including a tough little 16 or 17 year old with a body like an adult. The kind of adult I like to go out with. Anyway, he spent the day yesterday with his girlfriend frolicing in the pool and laying out. I tried not to look but I did a little, he's got nice tits, couldn't help myself. I'll keep trying not to look. His father's an asshole. He smokes, is fat and gruff and unfriendly. I'm the gay guy who set a price record for purchasing a house on this block and people react differently to that: Some are friendly with me and go out of there way to tell me about their gay cousin, etc. Some are borderline hostile because they don't like whatever I represent to them. And some are pragmatic and do not really care and are just happy because I am good for property values.

Whatever. People have had visceral reactions to me my entire life. I'm a leader and tend to take over and be bossy because I know I am right and most of the time I am. I hate being wrong but I will concede when I am. Some people let me lead and some people want to knock me down. I am confident and some people hate that. I like people who are smart. Or very good and sincere. Or very attractive. I like to fight but rarely do. I am very strong and love my body. I will not grow old gracefully, I will have issues with losing strength. I enjoy sex but rarely have had good sex. I am very intelligent and well read but play it down sometimes because you have to or else people hate you. My brother was a genius but a genius with a cocky attitude and he couldn't do the political thing at all. He has lived in the middle east for 15 years. I am calm. I think it is because I have been through a lot and am very good in a crisis. I used to want to be famous but I don't anymore. I think it's because I am more or less happy and people who want o be famous are looking for something to make them happy, looking for adoration. I trust in myself and people can trust me. If I say I'm going to do something, I do it. I finally feel a generation older than people in their teens to mid-20s. It does not bother me, I kind of like it, I feel liberated. I do not want a MySpace account. I think it's dumb that Debbie Harry has one. I was a fan for 30 years until I heard she had one. That's ridiculous. It's like Anderson Cooper wearing an A&F shirt on the cover of VF. Grow up. And come out of the closet publicly. Shit, he talks about everything else, why not talk about how he and Bill Hemmer used to fuck?

I Miss My Friends Here

All two of them, anyway.

I want to make more time for posting but two things have been stopping me: one is sheer exhaustion and two is, I have felt a little funny. The kind of funny like my first semester at a college I later left where sometime around Halloween I missed a few classes then some more and before I knew it I had stopped going and my only choice was to drop out. Like that.

Then I realized that this is not school and I'm not paying for it and it should not give me stress but pleasure.

Anyway, I do miss my two friends.

Some recent things that have happened to me:

1) I borrowed a car, went to a nice nursery and made my front and back yard look nice. Michael would be proud of me. It's amazing how cheap stuff like dirt and wood bark is.

2) A guy at work told a story about how a swiss designer was commissioned to design a pen for Adolf Hitler and he designed the famous Mont Blan with the white cap signifying Mont Blanc but it was his har-de-har-har cuz he meant for it to be a Star of David. Not true. Nice if it would be but that pen was designed in 1914 when Adolf was a young man painting watercolors. They guy was not happy with my telling him the story was not true. Just an urban legend of sorts. This is the kind of guy who believes phishing emails...

3) I got laid and it was alright. He was neither 19 nor 48 and bald but he still did the trick.

4) I bought a big grill and have been cooking outdoors a lot. Everything tastes better.

5) My custom-made air vent covers finally came after 12 weeks and I installed them. Like everything else I have done in this house, they look subtley better. Nothing dramatic.

6) I can't tell if my bosses at work love me and think I'm amazing or hate me and think I'm a know-it-all. I try really hard not to be a know-it-all. It is hard for me.

7) I took my friend Christina to a really expensive dinner at Patsy's. We had a great time and a great bottle of wine. She's so hot. I felt so straight. They told me on the phone they were booked until 10 but I knew they would see her and let us in so we walked by and inquired. Sure enough...Men do things for her all the time. Even gay men. She has a TV prostitute who lives in her building. Her name is Chrissi and she runs ads. She hates my friend Christina. Probably because they have the same name only my friend Christina is the only one with a real cunt. I told her never to get in the elevator with her alone like in "Dressed to Kill."

8) My parents are tiring me out. Tonight I had to listen to my Mom on the phone talk about these 13 boxes of LPs of my Dad's in storage and did I want them. I said you asked me the same thing 12 years ago and I took 25 and called it a day. I thought he was selling them? They make me crazy. Meanwhile they are supposed to be getting their condo ready to sell and it looks like the Collyer brothers live there.

9) I made a budget to pay off my debt. My debt's not as bad as Chloe Sevigny's, but it's bad.

10) I'm sorry Paul McCartney and whatshername are splitting up. They were so freaky and rich together. He was so whipped and so craving that one legged sex with her, never have I seen a man so guided by lust.

Anyway, I have to got to sleep as usual.

On another note, if you like dogs, read M. Gladwell's piece in last week's NY'er about the dog trainer, it's amazing. I think Gladwell is a hack but I still like to read his articles.

Yes, I'm all

Boring now. I am aware of that. I know I was much more fun when I was not a productive member of society and could go on for hours about my memories of the Farah Fawcett poster and the like.

I am regrouping mentally, I think. The last 5 years have been such chaos and so emotionally and financially unstable for me that I am craving structure. And if that means hard work and a paycheck, so be it.

I have been at my job for just over a month. A lot of things have happened but most significantly I wrote a complex proposal for and RFP in an industry I know nothing about. We were then invited to pitch and I developed a presentation from scratch in three days. My two bosses were both traveling that week and had little input. I practiced my ass off and flew to VA to present.

Monday we got the call that we got the business. I was extremely happy.

I know that I am about 85% responsible for getting the business.

Today my boss recapped with me and he asked me how I thought "we all did." His one comment to me about the whole process?

That I said "You guys" in the beginning of the presentation instead of you. You know, it was "OK with them because they were casual and we had rapport but it might not be in the future."

You guys.

This is what he tells me.

I deliver a complex proposition eloqently and charismatically --for a company I just started in and an industry I had no experience in--and get the business and all he can do is say I shouldn't say you guys.

But this is what I wanted I suppose.

Anyway, I'm going to be OK about all this this time around. Just do my job and think of myself.