Young Guys on the Subway

I never really used to be into younger guys but lately that seems to have changed. By younger I mean 18-23 or so. I think part of it is that where I live now guys in that age group really seem to respond to me and one thing I know about myself is that I tend to get attracted to people who are attracted to me. I’m not sure what that says about me, exactly, but it’s how it is.

I think I first noticed this phenomenon last August and September when I was taking the train from Manhattan to Brooklyn a lot to work on my house before I moved in. I would notice these cute, dark-haired young guys checking me out on the subway. I particularly remember two guys who were about a week apart but were both on the subway. With both of them I started to get hard when I realized they were casting glances my way. The more they looked, the harder I got. The cool thing about getting a big, wicked, obvious hard on while on the subway is that nobody will notice unless they are looking for just such a thing. So, I had fun being an exhibitionist with both these guys but it didn’t go anywhere.

That’s the rub. With guys that age you have to take control with the cruising and half the time they are afraid and will run off and the other half could be a case of be careful what you wish for. Some will not know what to do, some will fall in love and some will just be fast and sloppy. Not to mention in general, to be really good at cruising you have to always be on, always be ready, always be looking & always primed to seize an opportunity. I just don’t have the patience/interest anymore.

But, now that the weather is warmer, pheromones are floating again and I have been on the receiving end of some horny glances this last week and played the hard-on subway game with someone just today.

Personally, I’m not sure why these guys would be into someone 15-20 years older. They’re not & it’s just their nascent gaydar at work and they are just curious because there are not a lot of options around here. I don’t know. I have a semi-theory that the actual attraction has something to do with my looking like the quintessential local blue-collar ital/irish/german guy only one who is actually in shape unlike the reality of people here who seem to get fat before they hit 30. So maybe I look like the guy that they have been around their whole lives and has informed their fantasies. I don’t know.

But I do know when I sit their looking at them I think about fucking and I want to fuck them and I’d like to think that they can get a sense of that emanating from me.

Who knows what the future has in store? I never seem to see any of these boys twice but once is all I want anyway.

The Last Week

Well, I am back, albeit in neutered form.

In a nutshell:

Last Friday I had a very long tedious day that involved getting a haircut and visiting the dentist and going to my office then I had to go to Magnolia where a bunch of assholes on line forced me to go to Billy's but before I got there some dumb queenb on the phone gave me an attitude and then I picked up my nephew and had a very nice night with the lad only to wake up on Saturday morning with no working computer.

Dell tech support told me it was my monitor so I walked 17 blocks to Staples to get a crap temporary monitor, lugged it home and...it was not the monitor.

Tech support for many more hours. Finally they ascertain that it is probably the motherboard. All the while they tell me that my hard drive is A-OK. They also tell me that I just need to buy migration software to import the old to the new. Then some snarky chicks in sales take advantage of my fragile state and contradict themselves many times until I finally take control and get off the phone. I was in too weakened a state to buy a new computer.

So, I eat something, get on a ladder and prime this cheap-ass wood frame on my skylight. I need to accomplish things and as this fiasco ruined my day I painted. Then at 7 my friend Carol came over and oohed and aahed at my place. She is Chines and hot and dressed like a school-girl which is kind of a played look but still novel to South Brooklyn.

So, we hung and talked and went to this Italian place and had to wait 40 minutes for a table. So typical but the place is a trip and there were lots of gooms to marvel at. There was a triple date next to us and the girls were wearing sleeveless and requested bread refills twice. I wish these kind of girls ruled the Conde Nast cafeteria.

So Carol told me all about her 9 weeks studying Yoga with Bikram and about how the owners of the yoga studio she teaches in called her at home to tell her they had 5 complaints about her class. Carol is old school, meaning tough, Eastern style teacher. We then got into this intense discussion about how so many people in classes are coddled and need to have their feelings and ego stroked and are so sensitive. They don't get the Eastern respect for and distance with the instructor. Fitness is about challenging yourself not being complacent.

Anyway, I was beat at 11:30 but she wanted to hang some more so she stayed until 12:30.

On Sunday I woke up at 7 and took the train to the UWS to meet my friend Ingrid and take her friend Sandy's spin class at the JCC which is quite the fierce facility. Afterwards we had one of these kind of days that I have not had since my mid-20s where you amble around and go to brunch and pick up people along the way. I was supposed to go out with my friend Norma that night but I was so tired so I went to my parents instead to use their computer, have a meal and get sent home in a car service. I figured Norma and I did a mutual blow-off. (Until 10PM Monday night when she texted me with: "What happened to you!?" Uh, I could text the same thing. Pretty straight girls who expect their gay friends to treat them like straight men have another thing coming.)

On Monday, I woke up to a text message from Carol informing me that the entire R line (my line) was in a shambles. Sure enough, she was correct. I also had the sinking icky realization that I may never see my hard drive files again which is too much to bear. Four years of photos, music, documents. I have amazing things on their. I will be very bummed if I cannot retrieve. For what it's worth I'm glad my good old manuscript is on a zip disc.

Monday I did go into the city to continue cleaning out my desk and to see if the fuck tech guy at work had resolved my contact list issues. He had not. That night I went to Park Slope to meet my friend Anna. She is a really successful lawyer and her husband is Mr. Mom and they have one kid and a dog and just bought the apartment next to theirs and made it into this 2000sf super apartment. It is in real Park Slope, too and is a like a Real Estate broker's wet dream.

I have known here since 7th grade. She was always really beautiful and from about 7th to 9th grade she was a total cunt to me and I was so awkward around her. I remember bumping into her desk in 8th grade and knocking some intricate pencil case of hers to the floor and she gave me this evil, impatient look.

I also remember she was friends with these really mean popular girls and they used to play Charlie's Angels in class and talk into their compacts like they were walkie-talkies.

Anyway, in about 9th/10th grade the mean girls gang totally fractured. There were 7 of them and 2 were alpha. 1 alpha girls started going out with this greaser-type guy and 2 of her friends joined. That left the other alpha girl and her 3 sidekicks. Anna was one of those sidekicks.

One day everything was peachy with them, then the next they ousted her. I'm still not sure what happened but I swept in. We became really good friends and even as our lives diverged we managed to get together once a year. That she has lived in Brooklyn for the last 8 years only makes it better.

Anyway, we had a very good time. Afterwards I walked back to her place and checked out the renovations. (Girlfriend is getting new windows punched into her place--major.) She also gave me some huge hammered copper pot her mother gave her a long time ago because she never cooks, it has never been used and because she is so friggin generous. Her husband and son were in Florida and at one point I did one of the "Can you believe this is our life?" things that you get to do with people you've known since childhood. It is weird. You spend adolescence wanting to be a grownup and then to be a grownup with people you have known since adolescence is cool.

Tuesday I went to my last lame work meeting. Then afterwards I stopped by my parents because I remembered I had left an old laptop of mine their years ago. I got it home.

It is slow. 64mb RAM. Windows 98. Probably built in 1999. It had a LAN card that needed one of those cables that I remeember throwing out before I moved. So I went to Staples to buy one and they do not make them anymore. So I found a new LAN card at home and tried to install the drivers. Then I spoke to road runner and went through this chain of local service to specialist to national help and the national help guy was awesome. He spent all this time with me and I accidentally hung up on him and...he called me back. I practically kissed him through the phone for calling me back. At that point he could have looked like anything and I would have gladly been his sex slave I was so grateful. But not for more than like an hour. Unless he was really hot. Damn, I've been so horny since this began. Well, my pal got me online and here I am.

I stole this computer from my old job in 2001. Then when I was displaced after 9/11 I took it with me to the empty apartment I stayed in. The Saturday after 9/11 their was a rumour that displaced people were being allowed to go into their homes to retrieve items. I remember piling onto a minibus and driving down the West Side Highway which was all closed below Canal. We drove on the pedestrian walkway next to the water and their were army tents and helicopters on the green. They parked near the Merril Lynch building and told us we had 15 minutes to get back or we would be arrested. I ran to my apartment with a duffle bag. It was like one of those Supermarket sweeps shows only it was my stuff. At my building the halls were pitch black and I had to go upstairs in the dark. I went into my apartment and got clothes and the computer and another pair of shoes. Then I locked up and left. It was one of the more incidents of a very stressful time.

Anyway, this is that computer.

Wednesday I needed some TLC so I went to the gym and finished my painting. I also called Dell to order the computer and that is when they told me that migration software will not work if the motherboard is friend which makes sense but is also a contradiction to what the first Dell crew told me. By the way, I actually tried to call those first Dell people back because I had her voicemail but they would not put me through to her. I ended up torturing some person on the phone for 20 minutes in some continuous loop. She finally took my name and number and said the supervisor would call me back and it never happened.

Today I went into the office and told me boss I was leaving. He was surprisingly cool about it. I left 30 minutes later and by the time I got home my email was cutoff. I'm psyched to be gone. One thing about my boss: he's a terrible manager. Yesterday a client came in and was talking to me for about 15 minutes. We were standing up. My boss passed by and gave me a look which I ignored. So 5 minutes later he passes by again and actually said "Can you guys take it in the conference room" as if I was talking to some friend. So I immediately introduced the client to my boss and said this is so and so who just bought the whatever product. My boss shakes his hand and does not introduce himself and walks away. He's an embarassment. All he cares about is keeping his desk empty and his pens color coordinated. The biggest decision I saw him make in the last year was deciding whether or not to hand the CEO a bottle of water with a loosened or unloosened top when she was speaking. He is a triumph of brown-nosing over merit.

Anyway, bitches, I am back. Albeit with a shitty computer and with a new, trying job starting Monday and with no Vicodin and with the possibility of all the sex-vids starring me wiped off my hard drive.

But at least I finally got my kitchen window treatment up today.

Fuck

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

No Computer

So here I am at my parents. I am supposed to be home enjoying my last week of freedom before work but the Tech Gods got pissed at me for making fun of the tech guy at work and Saturday morning I awoke to a fried motherboard (this was determined after 5 hours with Dell.) So, the trifecta is complete for this week:

1) Dead ipod
2) Dead Palm
3) Dead home computer

Fuck technology. How I am I supposed to get laid without the Internet.

Wish me luck. (On the new computer, not getting laid, that's not really a problem...)

It's a Wonderful Life

So, I sent out this announcement to about 200 people I know via email with my news and new work info and I've gotten about 50 really nice replies. I feel kind of like "It's a Wonderful Life" because 2 months ago I was borderline suicidal and now I feel pretty good and all these people are writing nice stuff to me and shit. Being out of work or having a truly sucky job really is tough. I think besides an illness it is the hardest things to go through. People say you get jobs through connections and that may be true in some industries but it has done shit for me in my life. I know hundreds of people and not one had ever been able to help me find a job and it's very rare to even have someone offer up the name of a person to contact.

I think an important part of being happy in life is knowing which friends/family members can give you what and not to expect certain things from people who cannot give it. I had this really good friend named Tanya for 15 years. She was always the wacky chick and I was the stable one. I saw her burn through so many friends and it was always via some drama. She was always being persecuted. People were doing things to her. And on and on. I was extremely directly affected by 9/11. I lived right near there, was home that morning, thought I was going to die, and had to be out of my home for two months.

Tanya completely flaked out on me. I remember on September 14 I had just bounced from my friend's place on the UWS to an empty pad that belonged to a traveling friend of my Mom's. I was psyched to see Tanya as she lived right nearby. I needed to see her. She called and said she was bringing her new bf I had not yet met. I told her I was not up to meeting someone new and she flipped. She was so insecure she couldn't not do something without her boyfriend.

Then she chilled a bit but was distant. The last straw for her was her birthday which was mid October. I said I would go but at the last minute I had to go to Boston with my Mom because her sister had brain cancer and it looked like that was it.

Tanya flipped and said something like "You do everything your Mom says, don't you?"

I had this friend Arlene once who always put things succinctly. She would have said about Tanya: "Bitch is crazy."

Tanya wrote me this really mean email that I still have. I wrote her back the way you would write to a crazy person. Very carefully. And we never spoke again. This October will be 5 years. I can't say I don't miss her sometimes but my life is more stable without her. Maybe sometime in the next 5 years I will reach out. Who knows? I have trouble letting those sleeping dogs lay.

Friday

I'm psyched this week is over. I'm beat. Today I went for a dental cleaning and the hygienist reprimanded me for not flossing enough. I hate flossing. Then I went back downtown to get my haircut and the woman who cuts me hair was sick so someone else cut it and it looks better than usual. It always looks better than usual when someone else cuts it.

Then I went to my office and the twerp tech guy still has not repaired my Outlook so it can once again sync with my Palm. All I care about is getting my contact list back on Palm. I hate these tech guys. None of them would have even had jobs 10 years ago. What they do is generally easy and everyone treats them like stars and panders to them. Half the time they just reboot.

Then I walked over to Magnolia to pick up some cupcakes for my nephew since he was coming over. Fucking Magnolia. It is no great shakes and there was a line of like 25 stupid tourists waiting to get in. There should be a line for locals and a line for tourists. People are such cattle.

So I skipped Magnolia. I had heard about Billy's but I wasn't sure where it was so I called 411, connected and pressed Billy's prompt for address. "184 Ninth Avenue." Well, where the fuck is that? So I called again and got a real person and asked for the address and would you believe this dumb queen sort of said in a sing-song voice, "It's 194 Ninth between 21st and 22nd, Now why didn't you just use the voice prompt?" He said it all half friendly but you know he really wanted to be full-out snotty. I hate people like that. Just be full-out snotty. What a pussy. So I said "Because 194 Ninth Avenue means nothing to me, nor to most anyone else." Then he said, "The streets are on the recording, I recorded it myself."

Of course they are not. I even called again later to check.

So, big achievement, like a big boy, I let it go. I said "Thank you very much" and hung up. In the past I would have picked a fight. But what a dumb queen. Someone's calling your stupid bakery and you have to give them attitude?

Anyway, I went to stupid Billy's and bought a dozen $1.75 cupcakes (all of which turned out to be on the stale side, thanks Billy.)

Then I went to ugly hideous Penn Station and bemoaned the loss of the original beautiful Penn Station as usual. The original Penn Station made Grand Central look ghetto and was quietly torn down in the mid-60s before New Yorkers had a chance to do anything about it.

Well, I got to the track just as my boy was getting off the train. He is 18 now and so handsome and so tall and so nice and mature. We took the train into Brooklyn, had dinner and talked for a while then some Upper East Side chick he knows sent a car down here to pick him up and take him back to her place. That's my boy, dating rich people is always better.

More Favorite Porn Stars

Lon Flexx

I used to love this guy in the late 80s early 90s. He made this movie called "More than a Man" that was so hot. And another movie that I think was called "Tough Guys Do Dance" where his body was put to great use. Anyway, he's dead now like so many others.

Damn

I'm not going to turn into one of these people who never posts, I swear, it's just been an insane week.

Anyway, I had a thought on the subway today. Our nation has evolved to a level of such success that people are now concerned primarily with their comfort, their appearance and how others perceive them.

It's embarassing. We are so successful and really have so few worries as a country that this is what it comes down to. We have the luxury of caring primarily about those things. Maybe it's human nature, I don't know, it's just sad that more people aren't concerned with the health and welfare of others less fortunate, either domestically or abroad. I don't mean to get all Mother Teresa because I certainly do little more than be a conscientious walker (meaning I get out of the way for old people and shit like that) and try to not take up too much room on the subway, but hell, I think that is probably more than a lot of people do.

I am so sick of people being so boring and predictable, too. Today I made the mortal error of walking into Whole Foods Union Square at 12:45. I went to grab my same Turkey Bacon sandwich I always get and then saw "The Line." It was frightening. It reminded me of the line to see Jaws in 1975. I put my sandwich down and left.

That is so stupid. What is wrong with these people? I remember when the WF opened in Chelsea in 2001 it was a Godsend. I would shop there once a week from way downtown and take the subway home laden with bags. Then, at some point in 2003 I saw some cel phone yakkin Ugg boot wearin chick in Whole Foods just taking up space-"I'm in Whole Foods! What? Where are you? What?"

I knew it was over. Time to leave. This girl at work told me she was in Trader Joe's Saturday and there was a line outside to get in. She went back Sunday and the cupboards were bare. She said it looked like Barney's Warehouse Sale back in the day. Actually, that was my metaphor,I said that, this girl is a new transplant from SoCal, she don't know 'bout Barney's Warehouse Sale BITD when it was cash only and you could get some phat shit. I remember one year when I was a fashion slut I spent about $600 there and added up the retail value in my apartment and it was $10,000. True confession: I worked there, so I also got an employee discount, that's why it was so cheap. That place was fun for a while and a gay boy's paradise. I remember this one salesguy used to give customers bjs in the fitting rooms.

Anyway, back to the food stores. These people need to get a life. I know my friend Mickey has a lot to say about the customers at Whole Foods, Citarella, Grace's, Zabar's, Balducci's, etc. I'll leave it to him.

I feel very post-post, been there, done that. I wish people would recognize how ridiculous their behavior is while still doing it. I mean I spent a solid year after 9/11 doing nothing but exercising and shopping. I was really shallow but I knew it was really shallow and ridiculous. I recognized that. It was OK that I was being shallow because I recognized it. Too many people don't recognize it or try to spin it. Case in point: My friend Katie wrote me this really long email about how she was leaving work and she was going to spend more time with her kids and she found a great gym and she was keeping her "babysitter" (I love that euphemism--call a spade a spade, it's a Nanny.)

So I wrote back and said something like:

You're leaving your job to spend more time with your kids but you're keeping your Nanny and plan on spening a lot of time at the gym. Face it sis, you're a trophy wife!

She has not written back yet.

Anyway, that's my rant. This week has been crazy and tomorrow is more of the same plus I pick up my nephew at Penn Station. Should be fun. Later.

Making Plans

I feel like I'm getting ready to go to prison because I am making/cramming all these plans for over the next two weeks with people I haven't seen in a while. But I am only starting work, not prison. I wish I had thought to get my knee done in January because that is going to be a real problem soon and I hate to start a new job and then be like "Uh, I need two weeks off." I have a Meniscus tear which needs to be fixed. It does not hurt if I do no weight bearing exercise but I live for weight bearing exercise so it always hurts. I went through 80 ES Vicodin in the last 6 months which I guess is not that many. Anyway, I am setting my self up for a really busy week or two and I intend to spend very little time at my current job. It is such a joy that my boss is on vacation this week. I'm going to clean out my desk until it is just a set and can be collapsed in 5 minutes, then tell him I'm leaving and leave. Psych.

Gym Theft

Back in September, the locker at the gym I had belonged to for 6 years was broken into and some of the contents were stolen:

1) My jeans (my levis from 1984--having those stolen hurt, especially since they prolly ended up in a trash can.)

2) My cel phone (that sucked because I had to go through the hell of a replacement phone with no replacement phone insurance--I basically kept them on the phone until they knocked the price down to $199 (from $299) and gave me a $50 credit.

3) Keys for my old place and my new place, which I had not yet moved into yet.

4) A really nice key chain which had major sentimental value.

I knew this gym well and felt so comfortable there and although I knew that shit happened a lot, I was shocked it happened to me.

What made it worse was that it was the manager's 3rd day (gyms go through managers faster than Tara Reid can give sloppy blow-jobs to Jersey Shore boys)and all she could do was lament what was happening to her. To her.

What made it even worse than that (again) was that it was the 3rd robbery of the day. Wouldn't this dim wit have thought to warn people or at least post someone in the locker room after the second one?

Well, it was a bad day and I was doing renovations on my house and packing up my old place and getting ready to move and really stressed and I had to file a police report plus I had no pants. She gave me a pair of tiny tight shorts to wear home and I felt like a perv and looked like Peter Berlin.

Well, I knew the district manager because I had actually worked with her in another life and I started harassing her about "what are you going to do for me?"

I also was pretty damn sure who the culprit was which was another story.

She finally consented to give me 6 months free membership and I was actually pleased and surprised because I figured they would do nothing.

Well, I just got my bill and I was charged on March 1 for March which means I was comped for 3 months only.

I knew something was up. Sure enough, I called and she (the district manager) is gone. Goodbye.

Well, today I left a message for the new manager of the club and we'll see what happens...I want my 3 months.

Gyms are all about getting people to join but pay absolutley no attention to member retention. I worked in fitness for a while and it is an awful industry which is so sad because it attracts people who are very passionate about it which is a good start. But most fitness companies have very poor management and pay terribly and can never compete with schools or other institutions for good talent. One day I'll post more about that because I am an expert in gym culture, behind and in front of the curtains.

Ipod Death

My 20GB ipod died today. It was just over a year old. That should not happen to products that cost $299.

I spoke to Apple support and had the pleasure of paying $50 to go through every possibel scenario to try and fix it with the techie and it still remains dead. My choices are to send it back to be repaired for $278 (!) or to buy a new one.

What a racket.

Sunday Night TV-Spoiler Alert

Chloe

There is now officially to much on TV Sunday nights. I record "Sopranos," "The L Word," "Desperate Housewives" (Leave me alone---I have a thing for Richard Burgi) and I am giving that new creepy Mormon HBO show a chance mostly cause I heart Chloe Sevigny.

Anyway, "The L Word" killed Dana off which was kind of cool but the killing major characters thing is getting a little played. And I already am getting sucked into "The Sopranos"--I really do love that show, it is just head and shoulders above anything else on TV, kind of the way "Seinfeld" was like light years better than other sitcoms.

I wonder if it is true that Tony is dead and the whole show will now begin a year ago? I hope not. I don't like gimmicks much.

New Dallas

Dallas

When I was a kid I loved Dallas. They were all so mean, and those names? Sue Ellen? JR? Miss. Ellie? Valene? I'll never forget JR gettin some good ole boys to go and beat up Valene and steal baby Lucy and hide her away on South Fork.

Anyway, why does contemporary Hollywood have to go and muck everything up? I have heard that that fat queen John Travolta and that pig JLo have been offered the roles of JR and Sue Ellen. And Shirley MacLaine, who apparently will do anything for a check, has signed on as Miss. Ellie. Wrong wrong wrong, so wrong. Didn't she learn anything from the travesty known as "Bewitched?" And since Robert Luketic is responsible for this future flop, one can only assumer it is a comedic reworking. Great. "The Stepford Wives," anyone? Hollywood really sucks. And Luketic's films are getting worse as time goes by: "Legally Blonde" was great fun, "Tad Hamilton" was sweet but didn't quite make it and "Monster-in-Law" just reeked so bad I turned it off after half an hour.

They should just leave "Dallas" alone...

Good Piece on Why Larry King Sucks

The Wall Street Journal

March 15, 2006
THE SMALL SCREEN
By JOE FLINT

DOW JONES REPRINTS

Tabloid-Style 'Larry King Live'
Is Losing Viewers and Credibility
March 15, 2006

It has become increasingly clear that Larry King's best days at CNN are behind him.

Never known as a particularly deep interviewer, Mr. King at one time managed to land important politicians and newsmakers, giving his program some journalistic value. Today, though, the veteran host seems more interested in celebrities and crime, diminishing not only his own reputation and influence, but that of CNN as well.

And it shows in the ratings. The veteran host has seen his audience decline substantially in recent years as viewers gravitate toward more aggressive programs such as Fox News's "Hannity & Colmes." Fewer than one million people tune in each weeknight, on average, for "Larry King Live," according to Nielsen Media Research, down from 1.5 million three years ago. That's far behind "Hannity & Colmes," which leads cable news networks in the 9-10 p.m. hour with almost 1.6 million viewers.

And the viewers who remain part of the 72-year-old Mr. King's audience tend to be older (65, on average), and less wealthy (with a median income of $40,000), numbers that hold little appeal for advertisers intent on reaching younger, more-affluent consumers.

Mr. King's celebrity-oriented show also feels awkward sandwiched between Paula Zahn and Anderson Cooper's newsier programs. While neither of those shows is likely to invoke memories of Edward R. Murrow's "See It Now," both look like PBS documentaries next to Mr. King's hourlong softball fest. "His topics don't fit the rest of CNN," says Andrew Tyndall, an independent television news analyst. "He breaks up the entire flow of the evening."

The ratings problems would be less of an issue if Mr. King were delivering a hard-hitting show, but that isn't often the case. The show has dwelled almost exclusively on the famous and the infamous since Mr. King made Los Angeles his primary residence several years ago. It also is often the first stop for celebrities and politicians in hot water because they know they are unlikely to face tough questions.

But the real trouble is that Mr. King often appears disengaged. He seems to do little research before sitting down with guests. In interviews, he rarely strays from prepared questions, which means he misses the chance to probe his guests on the rare occasions when they say something revealing.

Mr. King's kid-gloves approach was on display during his recent interview with James Frey, author of the now-discredited memoir, "A Million Little Pieces." Mr. King's studio was the first place where Mr. Frey came to answer charges raised by Web site The Smoking Gun that the author had fabricated key parts of his book. Although there were many specific incidents from the book that had been challenged or disputed, Mr. King kept his questions so general that Mr. Frey was able to skirt the issue of whether his writing was truthful. (Oprah Winfrey phoned in during the show to offer a defense of Mr. Frey, a move she later regretted.)

Mr. King was equally ill-adept during an interview last week with Jermaine Jackson, the eldest brother of embattled pop star Michael Jackson. Jermaine Jackson appeared on Mr. King's show to refute a New York Daily News story that claimed he had been working on an unflattering, tell-all book about his brother. Mr. Jackson told Mr. King that after the story appeared, "Michael's people called me, and they asked me, was this true?" But instead of directly asking Jermaine Jackson why he didn't speak to his brother, Mr. King focused on tangential details. This was a fairly tabloid story, even by the standards of Mr. King's show, but as long as the host was devoting an hour to it, why not at least try to shed a light on what has to be one of the most bizarre families this side of "The House of Atreus?"

Even Mr. King's crime-theme shows -- a common fallback for news and talk shows looking for an easy way to fill time and attract viewers -- seem peripheral. Last week, he devoted part of his hourlong show to the murder of New York graduate student Imette St. Guillen, whose grisly killing has garnered widespread attention. One of his guests was forensic expert Henry Lee, who, since he isn't directly involved in this case, had nothing substantial to say. This was equally true of the other guests appearing on the show.

Lighter interviews aren't any easier to take. Mr. King often fails to detect nuance and irony in his guests' responses. When "Daily Show" host Jon Stewart appeared on the show days before the Academy Awards, Mr. King seemed outmatched by the comedian's sardonic humor. At one point, the host expressed genuine surprise that Mr. Stewart doesn't necessarily relish making fun of the failings of government. "Are you insane," was Mr. Stewart's response when Mr. King asked him if he wanted Medicare to fail. (Read a transcript1 of the interview.)

"One way you measure the quality of an interviewer is, can they listen to answers and form their next question based on what they hear," says Jay Rosen, a media critic who teaches at New York University's Department of Journalism.

Some people say that Mr. King, a longtime radio talk-show host before joining CNN, shouldn't be held to the same standards as other journalists. The trouble is, Mr. King, who occupies a prime-time slot on a channel that bills itself as all-news, doesn't even meet the standards of many daytime talk shows.

With three years left on his contract, Mr. King probably isn't likely to go away anytime soon. Yes, his interviewing skills, which were never going to be confused with those of Ted Koppel, have slipped with his ratings. And CNN executives surely are aware of the show's problems. But they also know that Mr. King still draws a bigger audience than any other show on the cable network, and that ratings in the time slot might be under pressure no matter who was in the host's chair.

CNN appears to be of two minds on what direction it wants to take, torn between branding itself as the network of hard news and analysis, and one where tabloid programming like "Larry King Live," and, on sister channel Headline News, Nancy Grace, garner top billing. (Ms. Grace is viewed by some as a potential successor to Mr. King.) If CNN pulls the plug on "Larry King Live," the network's ratings will likely fall. But the short-term loss could be worth the longer-term boost to CNN's credibility. If the network waits three years, it might be too late.

Sighting

Paulie Walnuts

I was walking to my gym on Monday when I saw this guy that looked familiar. I thought, "he looks like the guy on The Sopranos, only more haggard." Then I realized, he is the guy on "The Sopranos" and he is haggard. None of this would be too spectacular except this was not Manhattan or even cool Ledger/Williams/Connelly Brooklyn, but deep middle-class Brooklyn.

Today

So today I was sorta happy and shit and a lot of cool stuff happened, at least cool to me. I feel like I go through these periods sometimes (for a day or two or three) where my stars are aligned or something and good things happen and kind of lead from one to the other rapidly.

First my nephew called and said he was coming to NYC next weekend to stay with a friend and he wanted to know if I was free one night. I really like spending time with him and he is a senior in high school and it will not be long before I don't get to see him too often so I am psyched about that. It is also cool because his parents are total 90s parents and I know they did not tell him he had to see me because they never tell their kids they have to do anything so it is nice to know that he wants to see me because he wants to see me.

Then this recruiter-chick called about another job and it was nice to be wanted and listen to her description and tell her I had something else. Then this other HR chick from a job interview that went really well asked me to come back in to meet with some honcho next week and I am going to because you never fucking know...

I also found out that my current boss will be on vacation next week which is so cool because I can use next week to do nothing and quietly clear out my desk and when he gets back I can tell him I'm quitting and leave in 10 minutes.

Then I got called to do this really easy 1/2 hour former-smoker interview for some market research firm and they pay $150 which is cool because I like free $$$$.

And tomorrow my friend Ingrid is driving into big bad brooklyn to see me and take me out to dinner to celebrate.

And on and on and on.

So that's where my head is at.

I Got

the job.

It's very rare that I am happy but right now I am. I can't quite believe it because I have become accustomed to not getting what I really want and disappointment is as familiar (and comfortable) as an old pair of slippers. I need to be alone now. But please remind me of this post in a few weeks when I'm complaining about this job.

Boring

If you can't say anything nice...Well, I rarely can. And that's why I just want to say how much I hate some (some! not all) blogs. Particularly the kind that goes on and on and on and on. (Double-hate if it's people lamenting about being single. Boring. Nobody cares. And it's very easy to not be single, you just need to lower your standards.)

This should come as no surprise considering how critical I am of film, art, music, books, TV, etc. I also feel that everything creative that can be done has been done already and all that's left is art inspired by other art. I tend to see the source of that inspiration and feel that people should acknowledge it. And if they don't realize it, don't see the inspiration, then hell, they should not be doing it.

But, to my credit, when I like something I tend to love it.

HR Update

I called that woman yesterday at 3:00 and she did not call me back until today at 6:00. I did not pick up. She left a cheerful message and said something to the effect of "call me first thing in the morning with the name and number of someone who could verify XXXXXX and I'll call myself and clear this up."

She must be totally anal retentive to care so much about a job I had 15 years ago. Anyway, I'm plotting my strategy with this one. I have a plan...

I also have an interview tomorrow that I am really looking forward to as there is no pressure since I contacted the president and he told HR to call me. That is the best kind of interview because in a way, they are pursuing you. The only problem is it is at 9:00 so I have to get up way earlier than I'm accustomed to.

1960s Music

Young Mick

In my high school in the 80s a lot of the kids were poseurs and affected this thing for the 60s and wore tie-dyes and shit like that so, except for this thing for The Doors in 9th grade, I sort of ignored 1960s music for a long time. My sister was also a know-it-all product of the 60s and that sort of automatically made me not want to deal with it because she would always be correcting me and stuff.

Anyway, later in life I came to respect the 60s and feel a sense of nostalgia for a time I never experienced if that is even possible. I can't even imagine what it was like to have this new kind of music at your disposal at the time. It must have been so synonamous with being young and so perfectly attuned to the social changes going on. Listening to contemporary music must have felt like a rebellion in and of itself.

There's nothing like that today. Kids and their parents listen to the same music. What do kids do to rebel?

Anyway, back to the 60s. I think it all started with The Beach Boys, The Beatles, Motown and Bob Dylan and they all sort of begat all the other acts. The Kinks. The Rolling Stones. The Animals. The Byrds. The Lovin' Spoonful. The Mamas and The Papas. The Four Seasons. Burt Bacharach and Hal David's arrangements for Dionne Warwick. The Doors. Ike and Tina Turner.

There are so many more. I feel like I could explore 60s music for years and never reach the end of my interest. So many of these bands and songs are classics, but it's more than that: I think that this music is so linked with the political and social events of the 60s that you can't help but see a kaleidoscope of images when you listen: JFK, MLK, RFK, Watts Riots, Vietnam, LBJ, etc., and that is what makes it so moving to me.

5 60s Songs I just downloaded:

Heatwave-Martha and the Vandellas
Satisfaction-The Stones
God Only Knows-The Beach Boys
Anyone Who Had a Heart-Dionne Warwick
We Gotta Get Out of This Place-The Animals

My New Bathroom

My New Bathroom

OK, It is done and I am tired. Today I installed the new sink, hung all the cabinets, installed all the hardware (towel bars, shelves, hooks, etc.) all while my drill died and I could not find my level.

But I am more or less done.

Tomorrow I get back to reality and call that HR twat...But whatever happens, they can't take my "new" bathroom away from me.

More Job BS

I was all happy and shit Thursday night because I figured I was out of the danger zone with this job and that since the guy was giving me a start date I more or less had the job. I even went so far as to think about how I would leave my current job and I actually got out a calculator and figured out my weekly take home. I had not yet done this because I am superstitious.

Well, Friday in New York was warm and lovely and I was in a good mood so I walked up to the paint store and bought all my paint. I figured I had better do my bathroom this weekend since I have a room full of cabinets and hardware. I was going to head out to the gym at around 1:30.

Then, at 1:00 my contact called me and he was all nice and stuff but my heart sank because he wants me to call this woman in HR because there "must be some kind of mix up with one of my references and something with my education" and I "need to call her and clear it up." Basically, my resume is mostly true but certain dates have been changed to tell a clearer story, just like my education. No one needs to know I went to four undergraduate schools. Except, apparently, this human resources cunt. There’s a photo of her on the web site. She looks like she’s about 80.

I don’t get this. My brother works for a government agency. He was fully background checked going back to grade school. This is, quite frankly, some dumb sales & marketing firm. I hate HR people. They have nothing to do so they try to look for cracks in the armor? Meanwhile, I met with 3 VPs and the CEO and they all want me.

I’m not getting this job. I’m going to call this witch and and then I’m sure I’ll talk to my contact and say something to the effect of “It’s your call, I’m clearly made for this job” and leave it up to him. But I’m not going to get this job. They’re all a little buttoned-up and inert and odd and I can see my changing some dates being perceived as some kind of major integrity flaw.

This job reminds me of a house I loved and wanted to buy two years ago. There were so many problems. I saw the house several times. There were issues with the house’s title and liens. There was a court order suppressing the sale until the ownership was cleared up. It went on for 8 months. I kept saying if anyone can navigate this it will be me. This house will be mine. It eventually cost me a friendship because my friend’s boyfriend was acting as my attorney at the time and this was way over his head and we both got really made at each other and said nasty things. The kind of things you can’t take back like what Tony and Carmela Soprano said to each other. Part of the desperation was that there were literally no other houses I liked and house I did not like kept going up and the mortgage rate was fluctuating.

Finally, I found the house I am in now. But even then I still had feelings about the other house. I am finally over them. And, incidentally, the house is still unsold.

So, I think while this job sounds great and I can construct a fantasy around it and it will validate me to myself, it quite possibly is not the place for me. I already think that any job that spends over two weeks checking references is ridiculous.

But I was very upset and still am. I let it derail my day yesterday. I could not take it anymore so I got into bed until 4PM. Then I drank red wine all night.

But I was up at 7. The bathroom beckons. I went to the gym and did chest and shoulders since I missed Friday.

On my way home, this guy called me and he so wanted me to come over and fuck him. I met him online a few weeks ago and in a moment of weakness I gave him my number. He called and left messages twice. He sounds too too gay on the phone. Fuck you all. You know what I mean: “Hi Bart! It’s James. Remember?? Anyway, I was just thinking of you and-.” You get the picture.

Well, today I picked up and I said what’s up and he said something about being in bed waking up. Ew. I hate anyone first thing in the morning. But still, I got a hard on. But the bathroom called. Maybe I’ll see him some time. Only I’m afraid he’s going to be super-clingy. Why can’t a trick be a trick? Now I remember. This was the guy who I met on a hookup site but then he wanted to go to dinner and movie with me.

So, I emptied and took down all the cabinets. Took down all the hardware and stripped the room bare. Scraped and spackled. Primed. Painted the ceiling. Painted the wall. Painted the decorative plaster on the bottom part of the wall. Painted the molding. Then did it again. I’m damned tired.

Tomorrow I hang all the cabinets and install the hardware. Then clean up. I’m tired already. I think I’ll have some wine…

Hot Guido

Jack Scalia

Damn, I miss a gym with a busy locker room and showers. I have to travel to go to one now. My current gym allows me no good glances and no opportunity for exhibitionism.

There are all these guido guys in my gym and it is so funny because they are like gay men with borough accents in the sense that they are so vain and into their bodies and hair and always checking out themselves and others.

Anyway, this one guy was in the gym today. I would put him at 25. Very strong. He was benching 180 and curling 75 and using the right form and everything. He had great arms and great definition and yet he still had that little layer of skin that I like. You know how some guys look like eco-skeletons cause they're so lean? Well, he had great definition but he still looked like he had the softest skin. And great skin it was, not a blemish on him and totally olive but the kind olive where you can still make out a blush when you call him handsome...

Anyway, he had thick, wavy, longer than typical hair but it totally worked though you know it was a lot of work to maintain. Great face, very handsome, like Jack Scalia in the late 70s when he was a model.

Well, I saw him in the locker room and some guys go through strange rituals because there is no shower. His involved stripping to his boxer briefs and cleaning in front of the sink:

Great body. Great definition on his shoulders and a chest with nice meaty pecs. No body hair but it looked natural. Solid quads and calves and his abs were firm but not much definition which you know kinda bothers him. Nice bobbing going on in his boxer briefs and I sensed some decent girth as opposed to length. Overall, he rated a solid 8.5 out of 10 in my book. He got me totally horny.

Job Update

Last night I decided I was going to email my contact at this new job today and ask him what was up and lie and tell him I had another offer.

Well, he called me this morning before I had the chance to email him. I did not pick up but his message was very long and convoluted and said something about starting the 20th. No can do. He still owes me an offer letter plus I need to give two week's notice. I sent him an email tonight to that effect. You have to nip these things in the bud.

Likewise, instead of calling him back I called back the HR person at another company. I had sent the president of the company a great letter and resume and he gave it to HR with the words "looks interesting" scrawled on it. That's what she told me and that's what it is all about. Look interesting, cuz the competition is fierce.

Anyway, I'm going to see this chick next Wednesday and see what they have for me.

I'm pissed and that is motivating me.

Some Asshole's Grief Tips

I subscribe to a few group email lists. One is a networking site and another is a bulletin board for all the people who work for my company (about 2000.) The work bulletin board constantly amazes me because people try to sell the shittiest shit for top dollar, always want recos for "cheap" things that should never be cheap ("looking for cheap doctor, cheap lawyer, cheap contractor"), pass along the dumbest scammiest information about puppies and sick children and ask the same work-related questions constantly.

The networking site is of a higher grade, but this week I received an email, the sheer hubris of which is mind-numbing. We've all known people who have died, sister, yet she's really offended by the things people say to her. I HATE people like this. She thinks her grief is worse than anyone else's yet she has the time to send around a grief tutorial. Here you go, in its entirety, save for names:

Dear Group,

I'm not sure if this will be helpful or not, but thought I would share it...
I just lost a very dear friend of 18 years very suddenly last week and have since been in the position to receive condolences. Although I know everyone means well, there are certain things that have been extraordinarily helpful and others that have served to exacerbate my grief. I just wanted to share some tips in how to deal with someone's loss of a loved one in the event that you're ever in the position to help console someone.

HELPFUL:
Say "I'm so sorry for your loss" - simple, true, and amazingly nice to hear.
Say "Is there anything I can do to help?" - often times, there isn't... but knowing someone is available to you is very comforting.
Talk about the person in the present tense so that their impact on the world is still real and tangible.
Talk about how that person positively affected your life, the world, etc.
Listen... just listen... don't try to fix or make it all better, because nothing can fix the loss.
Allow time for sadness and grief to be expressed.

NOT HELPFUL/DO NOT:
Say "You'll feel better soon" - uuuuuuuuggggh Say "They are in a better place" - the only place you want them is here with you now, regardless of your religious beliefs.
Talk about how life moves on... or say anything that would serve to try to fix or erase the loss. We all know that time will serve to lessen the pain, but when you're in the midst of experiencing it you want to be allowed to grieve and honor the person who was important to you, not sweep their death under the rug.
Say "How are you doing?" unless you are a very close friend or family member
- there really aren't words to explain how you're doing and it puts you on the spot and just doesn't help.

**There is no need at all to send any condolences my way after reading this!
I appreciate this community greatly and know that your thoughts are with me.

If you'd like to know my dear friend, you can get a sense of her on the website her sister XOXOXOX posted for her: www.XOXOXOXO.com Reading the guestbook of those who knew her showcases XOXOXOX's legacy of laughter, light and love. She was helping to raise her sister's son, beautiful little XOXOXOX, and if you're moved to donate to his college fund please do... I know the family could really use that help and support.

All best,
XOXOXOX

Poor Crazy Sean Young

Sean Young

New York Times
Boldface
Crash
By CAMPBELL ROBERTSON
Published: March 7, 2006
Around 8:50 p.m., Pacific Time, SEAN YOUNG came skipping toward the photographers staked outside Morton's in Los Angeles, site of the Vanity Fair Oscar party.

JENNIFER ANISTON, one of the first arrivals, had just finished posing and flashed the paparazzi a peace sign. And there came Ms. Young in her wake, skipping. A few poses, a wave, and a dash inside.

Upon which: pandemonium. Barking into headphones. Yelling at guards.

One of the event organizers, a man more prickly than the hedges shaped to spell Vanity Fair in front of the restaurant, ran up to the security detail at the exit, warning them not to let anyone else inside.

Ms. Young, apparently, had not been invited.

Mr. Event Organizer told the publicists to lean into his mouthpiece and describe what Ms. Young was wearing, so she could be found inside the party.

A little after 9, he could be heard announcing into his microphone: "We got her."

A security guard then told us that Ms. Young was escorted out of the party, through a back door.

Alas, Oscar night.

Imette

The Bouncer

The circumstantial evidence is adding up for this guy, big time. That poor girl. I can kind of relate to her. I was thinking about this a lot and came to the conclusion that a really big factor in her death was alcohol. We're not going to hear about stuff like this until the trial, but I bet she was a binge drinker. I mean, I can relate to making bad decisions because you want to keep drinking. She and her friend were hanging at a bar and her friend said she thought Imette had 4 rum and cokes. That probably means 6. Then at 3AM her friend took a cab home and Imette declined. She wanted to stay out drinking alone. Her friend lives right near her. The only reason you want to stay out drinking alone is because you need to keep drinking. You can't stop. I've been there. So she supposedly had 2 more drinks at The Falls. Her judgement was impaired plus people who have moved to NYC in the last 10 years have no street smarts because they are accustomed to a Disney-fied New York. Even when I used to drink like a fish and stumble home, I was always hyper-aware because I am a product of 70s and 80s New York. Bernie Goetz New York. So this guy got his hands on her and the only real question now is can the NYPD make it stick. I hope so.

Fascists

What's up with so many bloggers and their complex about comments? I am shocked at the amounts of innocuous comments I see that get deleted. I made a comment on a porncentric blog about a post with a video of a 20-ish guy who was stripping and beating off. There were about half a dozen "ohhh!" and "ahhhh!" and "he's hot!" comments. I wrote something like, "what's up with this guy? He looks like he's 20 and he can't get a hard-on?" Because he couldn't and I find looking at a video of a guy sttempting to get hard very un-erotic. Anyway, my post was deleted. In it's place was a link to the soft-guy's pay site. All the pieces come together now. Whatever happened to survival of the fittest? We're surrounded by a bunch of manipulators, and insecure ones at that. And the sad thing is, why bother with all the comment-editing? It's all so unimportant, blog comments are just tiny specs amidst millions of billions of bytes...

My Vent Covers

Register

Of the dozens of DIY projects I have embarked upon, the seemingly easiest and smallest jobs have been the hardest:

1) Installing a doorbell
2) Installing a mortise lock in the bathroom
3) Installing interior curtains on the glass doors of built-in China cabinets.

All of the above had unexpected/unforeseen issues which made them difficult.

And now, changing my vent covers. When I moved here I discovered many different style of vent cover, some very old some very new. Some had louvers, some did not. Some louvers were attached to the wall, some were loose.

I finally decided to change them all as none were really salvageable. It has been horrible. They are all different sizes and many places do not sell them and if they do the pre-fab sizes are wrong. I worked with a custom-guy for a while but did not really care for the end-result.

Finally, a store I like began carrying some and I ordered them. I ordered three as a test run.

So far, so bad. Stream of consciousness issues: Broken mortar, screws too long, screws hit metal, nothing to screw into, spackle vs. plaster of paris, touch-up paint job, drill bit size, hole too small for louvers, cover has lip, and on and on.

And this has all been for one, the easy one.

Old houses are a labor of love. When I get through this I start on the bathroom. Then will be Spring and outdoor time and maybe, just maybe, I'll get to the great closet overhaul by Summer...

Job Update

I have no idea what is going on. Last Monday I was offered a job and told it may take a while to extensively check my background. I went in for my drug test on Wednesday and last Thursday they called and left a message for only 1 reference but have yet to actually speak with her.

I am getting aggravated. So much so I am going on an interview tomorrow with another organization. It's about half the pay but I'm annoyed enough to take it. I've said it before and I'll say it until I drop dead: HR people suck. They make the entire hiring process as horrible as possible. Am I really supposed to get excited about working somewhere when I am offered a job and then hear nothing from them? I don't even believe the offer.

Dana Reeve

Deepak Chopra

It is very sad that she died. The whole Chris Reeve thing is/was tragic and this is like some final coda in a big long sick joke.

The entire round-up of usual suspects was on Larry King: Deepak Chopra, Marianne Williamson, Maya Angelou, etc. I wonder if they asked Joan Didion or if she's too New York intellectual.

Anyway, I was insulted because first Chopra started saying that he can't help thinking that "Dana and Chris" were so connected that when she lost him her body reacted. In other words, he was suggesting that her loss gave her cancer. What an idiot.

Then, Williamson said something like, "it's sad but also joyful because the universe is righted and now they are together."

There's nothing joyful about this. A boy has no parents because they are both dead. End of story. Bad things happen all the time and hopefully this kid has had his quota of bad things for the rest of his life.

Alexis Called

Charlize Carrington

and she needs her dress back for a breakfast meeting at Colbyco. I don't care if this joke has been made already, I thought it as I soon as I saw this chick. I don't really care for her, she's kinda dull but damn , if that dress aint 80s I dunno what is. And her name is kinda soapy too, "Charlize"--maybe Blake's bad girl niece from Okie?

Hollywood and the Media Both Suck

In the days leading up to the Oscars, I must have seen or read 1/2 dozen stories of the following ilk: "Is Hollywood out of touch with mainstream American moviegoers?"

One of these stories was even filmed in Kansas at a rotary club luncheon where one the ladies professed to not having seen a movie in the theatre since "The Sound of Music." I'm pretty sure that was 1964. By that math, this must be a story that's past its expiration date. Or just a ridiculous story.

Now, how stupid does the media think we are? I mean, we know how stupid Hollywood thinks we are, but how stupid does the media think we are?

Since when do the Academy Awards have anything remotely to do with box office? Since never. If anything, it is a time when Hollywood atones for its sins and feels guilty and votes for something they perceive to be of higher quality.

How can "Hollywood be out of touch with mainstream American moviegoers?" when 90% of what hits the screens is expensive trash like "War of the Worlds" and "The Island?"

There was a time when nominated films were actually seen by a lot of people, because Hollywood made better movies and people had better taste. I caught "Coal Miner's Daughter" the other day for the first time since it came out and I swear, it played like "Citizen Kane." Even "Jaws," widely considered to be the movie that changed the way Hollywood does business is a highly engaging, thoroughly entertaining movie.

But my beef is really with the media. They have so much responsibility and yet so many are intellectually lazy and take the easy way out.

On another note, they also have a way of asking "Have you seen “Brokeback Mountain" as if it is a code for "Do you support gays?" Those ladies in Kansas went nuts with their vehement "Nos!!" when asked that question.

Homos Lose Another One

Well, the Supreme Court upheld the Solomon Amendment today.

This was a really important case, in many ways much more important than "gay marriage" and of course about 1% of the gay population even knew about it because it's not quite so melodramatic as the right to register at Bloomingdales.

In a nutshell:

Many law schools were prohibiting military recruiters on campus citing their own doctrine which insists that companies that participate in their job fairs not discriminate on the basis of sexuality.

Congress went ballistic and enacted the "Solomon Amendment" which penalized the universities for penalizing the military. How did they penalize the schools? By cutting off all federal funding to all of the school, not just the law school. Yale alone stood to lose 300 million dollars in financing. This is the kind of money that can do things like build new wings and hire new talent and bestow scholarships.

But, the Supreme Court decided that the military is different from other entities as they have a constitutional right to recruit to keep the country safe.

So, the ultimate message from the highest court is that if you try to fight "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" you will be crushed. And it's OK to discriminate against gays. That goes without saying.

AMPAS Awards

Dolly Parton

I have nothing to say about the Academy Awards. It, like any other industry awards ceremony, is tedious and myopically self-reverential. I watched bits and pieces and was nearly blinded by the Botox stares of Kidman and Bullock. I also managed to tune in during "It Sucks to be a Pimp" or whatever the hell it was called. I hadn't seen so much color since "Theme to Shaft" was performed in the golden days of blaxploitation. Very amusing.

But I like Dolly. She's had almost as much surgery as Amanda Lepore but she is still self-deprecating and sorta real.

Back to the Past

I recently moved back to an area that my family lived in from roughly my birth to my 8th birthday. I live about 5 blocks from where I was born. Even though I had not been back here in many, many years and have no ties to this area, I felt almost immediately comfortable here. When I walk around, I have a sort of feeling of deja-vu and certain buildings look sort of familiar to me but I’m not really sure if these are real memories or not. I wonder if there’s a name for this? When your subconscious recognizes things that your conscious does not. I know my mother walked everywhere with me when I was little and I suppose there must be some sort of lizard-memory at work.

Countdown

Keith Olbermann

One of the only personalities I can tolerate on cable news is Keith Olbermann. He is funny but not smarmy, intelligent but not condescending and he puts O’Reilly over the coals nearly every night. I am so happy someone is around to remind everyone that O’Reilly is a fascist pig with kinky sexual fantasies involving loofahs…

The Mob

Victoria Gotti

I may enjoy “The Sopranos” but I hate real mobsters and people who defend real mobsters. No one personifies this more to me than Victoria Gotti & company. The latest trial has the Gotti woman hogging up the spotlight and the media egging them on. These people know where their money came from (drugs/murder/prostitution) yet continue to insist that their families are in sanitation or construction.

A&E disgusts me for giving a platform to these people. They should be forced to give reparations to all the families the Gottis have destroyed.

When I was a kid I knew a very, very wealthy girl. She lived in a fortress behind a twelve foot wall. Her father had so many automobiles (more than 30) that he had to have a separate structure built to house them.

He was a mobster yet this girl, who was so intelligent & sophisticated, would go ballistic at the mere mention of such a possibility. How could you not know?

Blown

I worked out at a gym that was a few stops away Friday. I like going there because it's more modern and has a sauna. Anyway, I had a good workout and took a sauna. This cute, brown-haired late 20s guy was fairly aggressive, which I like. Meaning as soon as I began touching my dick through my towel he was off and over to inspect up close. Of course that level of interest just gets me harder and before I knew it my dick was in his mouth. He was an expert and I came within 4-5 minutes.

It was funny because I saw this cute guy that came on to me weeks ago at the same gym. I said "how are ya" to him but he totally did not remember me. He and this other guy were just doing that boring walk of sauna-shower-locker-steam-repeat on and on and on. I have no patience in spending hours doing that. I'm all about opportunity and getting off. Some of these guys act like it's marriage.

Michael Brown

I don't think Michael Brown has redeemed himself. All I have seen is a videotape where he appears to be prepared for the looming disaster. Then what happened? I would be much happier if he would take responsibility and openly criticize whomever he thinks is responsible for the communication breakdown. I also find it really odd that these video tapes are surfacing not long after Brown announced he was starting a disaster-preparedness consulting firm.

Maria Full of Grace

Off to the Airport

I caught up with this movie last night and was impressed for a change. It moved quickly, told a story and had first rate acting, directing and writing. It was a grim subject but also managed to be somewhat uplifting.

Good Quote

I read an article in the Times today about the movie business and it had a great unattributed quote regarding the dearth of quality movied in Hollywood:

"Quality is now a genre."

Isn't that perfect and apropos? Like SciFi or Black or Gay, Quality films are now just another genre and an under-represented one at that.

The Face of Botox

Meg Ryan

O.K. Perhaps you've wondered about how to ID a Botox face? Here you go...This is not natural. This is not the face of a natural, normal person.

I frankly think it is embarassing to wear your insecurities so openly.

News Men

Rob Marciano from CNN


Bill Hemmer from Fox


Charles Perez from ABC NYC local news


Mike Tobin Fox's guy in Israel

My news crushes change alot but lately I am having a drought. I always wanted Rob Marciano but he does weather so I don't see him that much. Ditto Charles Perez and his bedroom eyes: he's only on Eyewitness news and I don't get to see him much. I, of course, cannot tolerate Fox for long so I rarely see Mike Tobin and his big neck. Bill Hemmer moved to Fox so that's a problem, too. I always got conflicting reports on Bill: some say he's on the team, some say he's a rabid Christian, some say both...

Do You Think He's Worried Yet?

I wonder what it will take for Dubya to get nervous? It is only 2006 and so much shit has hit the fan. The dumb war has raged on for 3 years. Iraq is verging on a meltdown. Iran and North Korea are soon to become nuclear. The entire world sees us as power-hungry. Our weakest link (the ports) is still our weakest link. We are trillions in debt. Osama is still running around. Valerie Plame. Libby. Rove. Abramoff.

Katrina. The Dubai port deal.

Those last two are finally doing it, finally getting his blind base to snap out of it. After all, this man has been turning the war on terrorism into a manichean scenario from day one. Middle East v West. Arab v White. Christianity v Islam. He won the last election by oversimplification and amplification of the terrorist threat. He's fed his supporters a steady diet of Arab = Bad for a long time and now he expects them to accept Dubai? Expects them to accept a grey area? He can't win here because Dubya is all about black and white, not shades of grey.

That Katrina video tape kills me, too. Bush, Brown etc knew about all the hazards beforehand. They were prepared for the worst...So, what happened?

And you know what? That tape was released by FEMA in August to every news bureau in the country and not one journalist looked at it? That is what is wrong with reporters and the news cycle today. They are so reactive, they keep going forward, forward, forward and never stop to look, to think, to do some research. Instead, we have Anderson Cooper blowing in the wind. Literally.

But I still love the reporters. Especially now since they are growing some balls and really going after the White House cabal. Keep at it. I want that man to go down in history as one of the worst presidents ever. One who first won on a technicality and because the country was in a strange place because of a blow job. Who won again because of 9/11 and fear mongering. One who got us into a war which killed and maimed tens of thousands of people and terribly weakened the US diplomatically and economically.

Spit

I remember when I was a little kid I was always mystified by the "no spitting" signs on the subway platform. Who the hell spits?

Well, now that I live in a working class enclave of Brooklyn I have the answer. It is amazing to me that amount of men, women and children that spit on the street. Men especially seem to do it if they are walking towards me. They scowl from a distance and then about 6 feet before passing me by, they turn to the gutter and spit. I guess this is supposed to scare me or be some territorial thing or some macho thing. I dunno. I saw a woman do it too, right over the subway platform and onto the tracks. It was fucking disgusting.

Anyway, I have to watch my ass because I tend to say things outloud sarcastically like "nice" or "beautiful" or "lovely" and while I'm strong and can fight one of these days someone who is stronger and can fight harder will start with me and then I'll be in trouble.

I'm surprised the guys at my gym don't spit on the floor. Instead they tend to throw weights, curse and grab their packages a lot. There was this one guy yesterday, total Guido, throwing his weights around next to me like he wanted me to start something. Anyway, He was walking towards me at one point and grabbed a handful of cock through his sweats and moved things around. It was weird. So deliberate and that shit only works if it's done unconsciously. But this guy was not cruising or anything, I think he just had a lot going on in terms of his idea of how-a-man-should-act.

When I was a senior in high school my friend Carrie said to me something like, "Bart, do you have any idea how many people hate you?" I was understandably concerned and distressed but she meant it as some kind of compliment. She said, "People see you walking down the hall, proud, with your head up, laughing and talking to other people and they hate you because they want to be like that." Now, Carrie was a little crazy and I don't know if she was right or just being dramatic but it does kind of reminds me of the old "don't hate me because I'm beautiful" ad campaign. The queens I hung out with in the 80s used to love that and what they meant was "don't try to knock me down because I have accomplished something and that bothers you and taps into your own feelings of insecurity and inferiority."

Well, that's how I feel about a lot of people in the gym and on the street and in life. As much as I complain, I am generally pretty happy with myself. I am smart, I am funny, I am good, I am attractive and I am proud. I've always had good posture and I'm tall and I walk around with my shoulders back and chest (ever-growing chest lol) out. And I can see some bad people with a sneer on their face try to make eye contact with me because they hate me for no reason and want to start something so they have an excuse to hurt me.

Email

Tonight I received an email from my old boss. She was forwarding me a salesy email she had received and asked me why the name of the sender was familiar. This was odd on some many levels because:

a) The person sending her the email is someone who used to work with us at our old business years ago
b) The person is also someone I am doing freelance work for now
c) The person is also someone I have not heard from in a suspiciously long while and sending this salesy email is something I was contracted to do

d)Also, my new working relationship with this person is something I emailed my old boss about a few months ago
e) I also emailed my old boss on Monday night to prep her as I used her as a reference and I never heard from her.

Well, I wrote her back with all of the above and weirdly enough I discovered that for a really long time I have been using the wrong email addy for her. A "." instead of a "_" One of those. That is so odd because somewhere along the way this address got messed up. It used to be correct and now it's not. And she has no idea what I have been doing for 12+ months. She has no idea that I invited her to a big reunion. No idea about the gossip I shared with her...

I really hate servers that don't bounce back emails, I don't get that. I can only assume that this is hotmail's fault.

Anyway, I really need an excellent rec from her and she will give me one because I'm sure she still feels guilty about driving her company into the ground a few years back and putting my life on this detour.

I have an odd relationship with her. We are friends sorta now, but the whole subordinate thing still happens. I have to listen to her ad nauseum talk about her awful awful little boy. Plus, there is a part of her that does not see the incredible growth I had in the 5 years I worked with her. She still thinks of me as a little green and I think she could have worked much harder to help me land a new job over the years. We were all very stressed out in those days, but she more than most. We had one of those sick love/hate relationships. She needed me so badly and lived in fear that I would quit yet never told me she valued me. I remember one really truly horrible voice mail she left me. She was the kind of person who always believed other people's version of events before she even spoke with you and got your side.

I remember that voice mail because I played it for the head of HR and said something like "this is what I have to put up with." I really think that my talking to HR set in motion the events that would eventually destroy the entire office. Oh well.

Why are most workplaces so ridiculous? Why does so little work get done? Why do stupid people get promoted? Why are politics so rampant?

Ah, all of this almost makes me hope I don't get that new job. But that's bullshit, I really want it all again.

Brokeback Spoofs

The New York Times, as usual, is far behind a story. They did a big story today on all of the "Brokeback Mountain" spoofs that have been circulating on the Internet for months. You know, the ones re-imagining "Back to the Future" and "Top Gun" etc. (Although they neglected to mention the "Top Gun" short.)

When I worked in PR we used to marvel at the Times's last place status when it came to reporting pop culture and technology. What is it with them? I think the ony media outlet with a worse track record is Big Three Network news which notoriously takes many cues from the Times. They will probably be reporting on the Brokeback Mountain spoofs in about a week to tie in with the Oscars and a technology story.

Conviction

Stephanie March

I always liked Stephanie March on SVU. She actually reminds me of Grace Kelly and the typical Hitchcock blonde. I used to see her and Bobby Flay on the streets downtown when I lived in TriBeCa. They seem like they will actually stay married.

I'm looking forward to watching her new show, "Conviction." Although something tells me from the promos it is not going to last. Someone said it was "Law and Order" as re-imagined by Darren Starr. Uh-Oh.

Fame

Meg Ryan

I was watching Meg Ryan today on Oprah because I just cannot help myself. I despise Meg Ryan. She is such a cold fish. Not to mention a Botox addict. She and Nicole Kidman should remake "Death Becomes Her" but as a serious drama, not a satire.

Anyway, Oprah's screen kept flashing ("Her First TV Interview in Two Years") and all I thought was that nobody really missed her.

They got to talking about Fame and both carried on a bit how they just don't understand what people find so fascinating about them. Oprah kept saying that "the red carpet is just a red carpet." But they seem to have forgotten that for a lot of people "a mortgage is just a mortgage" and stars represent a form of escape.

I also thought it was an interesting, though squandered opportunity to discuss why people are so obsessed with the famous and the sort-of famous and the barely famous. Why were there literally a hundred+ photographers up Anna Nicole Smith's butt at Supreme Court yesterday? Why is there an insatiable appetite for this? So much so that we seem to have created a whole cottage industry (Reality TV) dedicated to churning out sort of stars? I know that I personally never picked up another copy of Us magazine again after I saw "The Bachelor" on the cover for the 30th time. Who the hell is/was he? Who cares? Many clearly do.

The Reality TV star-making model seems to take the music industry approach to star-making: let’s throw a lot of darts at the board and see if we get a bull’s-eye. And I think Reality TV is really what pushed fame over the edge and made it accessible to anyone and made it a valid career objective. I mean, Reality TV has proven that you need no talent to become famous. You just need to click with viewers. And if you have talent, like Kelly Clarkson, it can only help.

But what is it about us as viewers? I think there is something about putting someone in front of a camera that automatically makes them more attractive than they would be if you lived near them or worked with them. What I mean is, seeing people on TV or in photos or on the Internet allows us to fantasize about them and build scenarios and that they have the validation of being on TV tells us that they are attractive and worthy of adoration. Even if they are not.

I know that the visual is very powerful for me. If I am going to hookup with someone I met online, I like to look at their photo(s) a lot before we meet. I begin to fetishize them. It heightens the anticipation and the eroticism. Of course the danger is that once I meet them, reality will be less than my expectations. But with people on television, we never have to worry about reality because we will always just have our fantasies.

But again, why do so many not only admire fame but crave it? I think it boils down to a nation of people that are insecure and egocentric and want validation, feel it's owed to them actually. Everyone from Baby Boomers on down is afflicted with this but I think that as Gen Y, in particular, matures it is going to be even worse because Gen Y has had parents and educators coddling them and telling them their shit is fabulous and their feelings are the most important thing in the world for their entire lives and Gen Y will expect strangers to feel the same way about them.

I used to want to be famous. I was “famous” (popular) in high school and I was “famous” in my early 20s in the sense that everyone in my circle knew me and I achieved some degree of notoriety. I loved it and the perks but I realize now that I was very insecure and I just wanted to prove to myself that I was not the unattractive misfit I felt I was and the way to prove that was to have beautiful people as my friends and come to me with their problems (or requests for coke lol.) I was also afraid of people I was truly attracted to and wanted my fame to serve as my introduction to them. After all, if they knew of me already, then being introduced to them would be easy.

But I matured and lost interest in that whole scene. It makes me wonder though, about people who become famous early on and never really know anything but. No wonder so many are so messed up. I have a theory about people who make it. And I mean really make it. Now, granted, some may not be like this, but I think in order to make it big you really need to be very unemotional and nostalgic when it comes to your family, you need to put your career first ahead of any relationship and that means being willing to up and move at a moment’s notice and to dump people who can no longer further your career. I think that people who come from stable, 2-parent, loving families are very rare in Hollywood. The people who make it big typically have peripatetic childhoods, single parents, abusive step-parents and on and on and on. In other words, lots of issues that shaped their feelings about relationships which is why they are able to focus so intensely on their careers and one of the (many) reasons whys they are unable to form lasting relationships as adults. In other words, they’re fucked up, like many of us. But they get paid a hell of a lot better.

Connick's Body

Harry

As you may or may not recall, I always dug Harry Connick, Jr. All I keep hearing about is his triumphant Broadway turn in—Ah, screw that. All I keep hearing about is his triumphant upper body. If there are any sites online with pix of Harry’s jaw-dropping shirtless final act entrance in “The Pajama Game” someone please direct me to them because every reviewer thus far has felt it necessary to comment on his pecs. Really. It’s a little silly. For some reason, nothing gets the Broadway crowd more agitated than semi or full male nudity. “Love! Valour! Compassion!” sold thousands of tickets because of the nude buzz and in the past I would go see a show partially because of the buzz surrounding the nudity. Anyway, I need to see Harry’s new tits asap.

Where's Alice?

Alice

I saw a photo tonight of Linda Lavin. Apparently she has an engagement coming up at The Carlyle or some such place.

Anyway, it got me thinking that "Alice" is one of the rare long-running shows (1976-1985) that has been out of syndication, at least with my cable operator, for quite some time. I don't think I've seen an episode of it since the '80s. And it's kind of refreshing.

I have nothing against Flo and Mel and Tommy et al. I just find that it is impossible for me to be nostalgic for anything any more because nothing ever goes away. I literally cannot escape the movies, music and television of my youth. That is so weird. I came of age exactly the same time as cable expanded and expanded and needed miles of content, no matter how tired.

It sort of results in this weird feeling of time not really passing by. I mean my 16 year old niece can have some of the same media references as I have. For God's sake, she knows who Alexis Carrington is and that is just unnatural.

It almost seems quaint to recall catching something old on TV and it bringing back specific memories of a certain time in my life. How can that happen anymore when the same shows and music are just as likely to pop up now, 20 years later?

Which brings me back to "Alice." If I think of "Alice,” I think of the den in the house I grew up in and my father complaining that "Linda Lavin is no Ellen Burstyn." I like thinking of things like that.

I used to feel that way about "One Day at a Time" which I would watch over at my next door neighbor's house on Saturday nights as a kid. She, the neighbor, was my age and we used to gab during the show. One summer, her older cousin from Germany came to visit and she used to watch with us all serious like it was "Macbeth." She hated how we talked incessantly during the show and used to shush us constantly only she had a lisp so it came out "thhhhh!" But I don't think of that anymore when I think of ODAAT (as those in the know call it lol) because it is on all the time and now reminds me of this dumb queen who used to cut my hair in his apartment and I swear ODAAT was always on when I was there. So now, when I think of that show I think of that dumb queen and his annoying sheddy cats and his constant complaining about his boyfriend.

But amidst all this, I still wonder where "Alice" is. In litigation probably.