Gym

There's this guy I met online and I saw him at my gym and said hi and was real cool and he came trotting over later to talk. So surreal. We've never met before until the gym but have already both seen each other naked in pics. Anyway, he wrote me an email later and told me I was "handsome" which I am certainly not but it was still nice to hear, I like when guys say that because what they are really saying is "I am attracted to you" which is evern better to hear. I am into him, too, but I have to say I have seen him a couple of times at the gym since then and he gives me a rise but I just feel like it is so much work to hook up...So he probably thinks I'm not into him and I am it's just that right now I'm not that into going through all the steps just to have a hook up. But I do think it would probably be good...I'll let you know.

McGreevey

I'm reading his book and it's not as annoying as I thought it would be. He is seriously fucked up. I am a little annoyed that he goes to one fucking upper east side fag cocktail party and little bitch gets picked up by an Aussie millionaire and now lives in a 19 room mansion and tends to his garden and his inner child...

The Aged and Infirm

First off, if you're in Hollywood and you have nothing done to your face, I like you. The list is very short. Diane Lane is on it. It is amazing to me that women in Hollywood are getting more and more freakish looking, and doing it younger and younger. It's like the Emperor's New Clothes only everyone is doing it. Every day it seems I see a shot of some other 30-somethinger who is looking pulled and tied and yanked and smoothed out.

Now to me.

No matter what these bitches do to the outside, the inside still fucks you up:

I went to the eye doctor: I have a cataract in each eye ("very common in men in their 30s" doc said)
I went to the Derma: two pre-cancer moles which must go. "Very common blabla"
I went to the regular doctor. I am more or less fine except for my knee. So I got Vico from him. With a refill.
I am going to the ortho: My knees both have tears. It is fucking up my ability to do cardio so I am gaining weight so in order to compensate I am training harder and putting on more muscle...too much work. Have to have double knee surgery.

Bottom line is every year there is more shit to do. The doctor felt my balls and said in a year we'd have to start testing for Prostate and Colon cancer. Whoopee!

Crazy Bitch

Why is the media so reserved about this crazy bitch who murdered her friend and her 3.5 children? This has to be just about the most heinous crime of the last 50 years and the media is tepid. Perhaps even they can't deal? All I know is bitch hit her friend on the head and used scissors to slice her friend's stomach open, reached in and yanked out her 7 month old fetus. Friend bled to death. Fetus expires. Then bitch goes and drowns the 3 children and put their bodies in her Maytag washer and dryer. This bitch should rot in hell and I don't even fucking believe in God...

Chris Wallace

I hate Chris Wallace and think he is a little wise ass and I would take no greater pleasure than hitting him across the face, however I am not a former president. I wish Bill had not lost it with him, it just sends the wrong message and makes it look like it is his fault that Al Quaeda got so powerful. It also makes him look unhinged. I do believe, however, that Bill got so out-of-control because he cares so much and he does wish he could have done something about Osama. He just cares and that is what differentiates him from so many others. His real emotions actually got the better of him and that is kind of refreshing. Besides, he has nothing to lose so who gives a shit? But, hell, I woulda liked to have seen Bill rough him up..

I do love, however, that Bill called him on that "smirk" on his face, that was priceless.

Headshot

I need to have headshots done. I need them for work but the photog they use makes everyone look like Richard Avedon without the brilliance, just bad skin and wrinkles all around...

Anyway, they said I could go elsewhere but I have an ulterior motive: I want headshots for my fledgling commercial career, too.

I don't know why I am pursuing this except that I am bored. I need to stir the pot. I expect I will be like this my entire life.

I've been thinking a bit about life lately. Uh oh. I mean I love getting smarter as I get older but I kind of realize more so lately that I am going to die. I think part of what brought this on is my mother. As she ages, she seems so filled with pain and regret about things that happened over the last 70 (!) years. She is tortured. I think I am doing much better than she. My father, meanwhile, is the opposite: complete denial and a frustrating attitide of bon ami as if nothing bad ever happened. (He lost both parents and 4 brothers and 1 sister before he was even 35 so I have no idea where that came from.)

So, do I have regrets? Yes. But I want to move on because there is nothing I can do about them. But here are some:

Education: I never took it seriously for a million reasons. But it is crucial and if you can get a quality college education it means you can get a quality graduate education and that is key. It has caused me enormous problems in life and if I can do it over again, I would. (To give myself some credit here, my parents helped fuck me up with this one.)

Having balls when I was younger: If I had the guts then that I have know. I was so busy partying when I was in my early 20s I let so many opportunities slip through my fingers. Plus, I had an aversion to hard work, plus I had a need for Bourgeois things. I should have taken some more chances when I was younger.

That's really about it and I guess for that I am lucky. As for now: I am not afraid. I have a boss who is afraid, paralyzed by fear and it embarasses me to watch. I have no respect for him whatsoever. What is there to be so afraid of? Jesus Christ, it's just work. I think for me, I had such crucial changes over the last few years: as far as fear, I stood in my doorframe the morning of 9/11 waiting with my eyes closed to feel the impact of a WTC tower on my building as it buried me in rubble. Didn't happen obviously, but that 30 seconds or so was real fear.

So what do I want? I don't know, but I am getting closer to finding out. I still want, crave and enjoy recognition and praise. I am so easy to please/manipulate. Tell me I have good ideas, tell me I'm smart, tell me I'm attractive, that's all it takes. There's a dyke at work and I adore her because...she adores me. Gives me tons of credit, tells me I'm so great, tells me I have big muscles. I swear to god this muncher read the manual on me.

I think I want to be CEO of my company someday. I intend to start aiming high as I have not before. So we'll see. But I'm sure I'll get bored with that someday, too, should I get it. Just my nature.

Andy Warhol

I've been savoring the Andy Warhol doc on PBS.. Partially because there is never anything to watch. Movies just suck. I turn off 99% of the movies I turn on now afyer 20 minutes. I used to get so excited at "Fall Preview" sections because so many sounded so good. Now, I know better. The latest was Black Dahlia. I used to love De Palma. What the fuck happened? I do not even remember the last time I saw a movie in the theatre. I seriously think it was 2003.

Anyway. Andy. Love Andy. Love the rags to riches, love the influence on culture, love the influence on me.

I used to look at Page 6 photos of Andy, Bianca et al partying when I was 10 years old and I wanted to be there. I read Edie cover to cover when it first came out and that book got in my head deep. I lonoged for an era that had already ended, it was gone forever but its whiff still lingered.

Anyway, I am loving it. They have some good commentary, too. A curator did a pretty good job of explaining why he was such a successful commercial artist in the 50s:

His blotting process, or his process of making a drawing look printed was very appealing to art directors (who hired him for ads) because something that was printed implied that it was desired enough by the masses to be subject to a mass printing. In other words, we are influenced and want what others want and what we perceive that others find popular. So he took that thought and made drawings for ads that looked mass produced.

Loving it and we have not even gotten to the 60s yet.

Message Board Idiots

I belong to this NYC invitation-to-join message classifieds board. All the people who post on it suck and I only belong now to read the absurd requests. In general they are about:

1) Used shit that people want to sell (TVs, washers, gift certificates, coats)

2) Jobs that people or their close friends/relatives are looking for. Usually they want to work in media/film/publishing/marketing

3) Services they recommend: great career coaches, dentists, movers, makeup artists

4) People looking to sublet their apartments for really short amounts of time (like 3 days) for really ridiculous sums of money

5) People looking for information from people on stuff they can easily find out themselves (insurance providers, real estate brokers, restaurants)

It's fair to say I hate them all. Here are some of tonight's winners...

Hello all,

For some weird reason I was able to get 5 days off of work this coming
week and wanted to take advantage of it. I was hoping to go up to the
Catskills and work on a photo project I've been putting together.

Is there anybody out there that would be willing to lend a car
this coming weekend/week? I'm looking at going this
Saturday - Wednesday

I don't have the budget to rent a car but I can compensate a little
cash or we could work out some sort of a trade.

Anything would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

-Timothy

Bart asks: Who the fuck are you and why would I give you my car? Asshole.

Hello Friends

My sister is selling some of her Rangers tickets for pre-season and regular
season. She has 2 tickets for each game. They are located in section 423
(center ice). The tickets are $52 for the pair. Email me back if you are
interested @aol.com_ (mailto:@aol.com) or call ########
Pre-Season
Wednesday, September 20 vs. New Jersey Devils @ 7PM
Monday, September 25 vs. New York Islanders @ 7PM
Wednesday, September 27 vs. Boston Bruins @ 7PM
Regular Season
Sunday, November 5th vs. Buffalo @ 5PM
Sunday, November 19th vs. Tampa Bay @ 7PM
Sunday, November 26th vs. Buffalo @ 7PM
Sunday, December 10th vs. Florida @ 7PM

Bart says: Your sister is a scalper. Call a spade a spade.

High-quality, extra warmth, queen sized The Company Store "La Crosse"
comforter for sale
Link to what it looks like:
http://www.thecompanystore.com/parent.asp?product=CT06x&dept%5Fid=3101
Color: Vineyard (light green)

Purchased last November to keep me warm during Ithaca winters (and it sure
did!) Don't need it now.

Going to the best offer starting at $50.00 - bidding ends midnight 9/16

Email me at @aol.com

Thanks!

Bart says: Buying used bedding is too ghetto, you are so tacky, give it to a homeless shelter and have 4 fewer drinks next month. Cheap cunt.

As my job search continues, I need help with two things:

1. One woman whom I am going to work for,for 6 hrs a week as a nanny, asked
how much I want to get pd. *Any suggestions on how much I should ask for or
the going rate for a nanny?
* 2. Anyone have any suggestions for my primary work? I want to work in the
non-profit sector with an organization that has a mission statement for the
empowerment or betterment of children. For example, my dream job would be
the UNICEF, but I am taking baby-steps…..I have sent out lots of resumes,
but the phone calls back are not happening.

3. Or maybe you have some ideas of places where I could work for some cash
flow. Example: restaurants (experience in being a waitress, but bartender
would need to be trained, catering services, any service job that deals with
people I can do.

Thanks for your help!!!!!!

Bart says: Sure, and can I wipe your ass for you, too?

Bored vs Content?

My whole life I've imagined it would feel good to be settled and just "be." Well, my job is fine, my house is fine, I've been to 4% body fat and I'm fine having 10 extra lbs, I've had enough sex to last a lifetime, so what am I to do? I am bored. Usually I would be filling my empty spots with some project(re-build my closets! Scan things! plan Thanksgiving dinner! Edit my novel! Plan for a home gym in my basement!) but I have not been. I am so bored. I'll tell ya, being a stressed out, jobless, poor, substance abuser was kind of a drag but at least it was contantly interesting.

I'm not sure what to do? Part of me wants to relax and enjoy it before one of my parents get sick or whatever but another part of me just wants to cause some trouble.

I think I'll channel my efforts into work and trying to get some new business. Work and exercise I suppose. But I am still bored...

Early Sex

I think I first became sexually aware/aroused the summer I turned 11. I had gone to a day camp and had a counselor named Danny that I got the biggest crush on. He was 17, going into Senior year of HS, had dark hair, was Jewish but could have just as easily been Italian. He was handsome and moody. He had a favorite in this little asshole named Cary who was like small for his age and used to sit on Danny's lap on the bus all the time. I was jealous. Even then I didn't know how to flirt and I would rather talk earnestly because, instead of wiggling my NAMBLA ready ass like Cary, I would engage Danny in these debates about movies and music and shit.

Anyway, Danny had sort of a weird habit if I say so. When we were changing into swim trunks in the locker room he would linger naked and he would talk to us all. Danny was athletic and 17 so his body was about as good as could be for the era but Danny had something else special about him: huge cock. Now, normally I would say my 10/11 year old mind had no idea what a huge cock was...however, there were other counselors who had dicks that got lost in their pubes. Not my Danny. Huge, flaccid swinging dick. Interestingly enough, this was when there was only 1 counselor, a friend of Danny's started later and Danny got more modest. But he had already done his damage. I remember being so fascinated by his dick that I actually tried to draw it in a notebook.

Well, cut to the fall. I find this porno book in my house. It had a provocative drawing on the cover...of a guy who looked like Danny. So I read this book and it's about some handsome guy in a big city with no money and he turns to hustling and he's really popular because he has a huge cock.

I'm sure half the shit in this went over my head. All I know was I was getting a hard on and was not even aware of it. I did not put two and two together for a while. As a matter of fact, I'm sure I had no idea what the book was talking about with all the "cum" and "love juice" talk.

Well, this book was around for a few months and then it disappeared, never to be seen again.

It had a rather obscure title, so last week I googled it and...sure enough, a book store in Seattle had it and I ordered it.

It was so bizarre reading something that turned me on when I was 11 and had no concept of anything. And guess what? It still turned me on, only this time I came gallons. Interesting. Now all I have to do is find Danny. And I know his last name....