This is Why I Don't Date

Frankly, it's because of people like this: So I meet this guy online and we're both into each other. Similar interests, attractive to one another, etc. I suggest lunch since he lives right near my job. So we meet. He actually says "you're cute, good." Fine with me. I'm all for displays of relief. I'm extremely atttracted to him. When we leave we have serious flirtation and I say (old fashioned me) "Can I call you." He says yes, I would really like that, etc., etc. So I text him that night and he texts me back (who's this?) I text him who I am and he's happy. I email him and tell him I was jacking off thinking of all the things I want to do to him. He says "like what?" so I tell him. Then three weeks ago (about a week after we met) I tell him I want to see him. He tells me he's at his friend's apartment who's away and the person is getting cable put in, etc. OK. Fine. Then I go to Phillie and email him when I get back. No answer. So I wait a week and email him again, casual. Then a day or two later I notice him on a chat site...so I write him and say all friendly like: Hey, I'm beginning to feel like "you're just not that into me" which is cool I'm a big boy can handle rejection :-) I'm starting to feel like a schmuck sending you unanswered emails." He write back and says "Hey, you are not a schmuck and I am at my parents in ??? (some cold state)" Hardly a ringing endorsement. Why can't he just come out and say it? This is why I prefer sex to conversation with my partners...the more I know you the less I like you.

Lunch Date

I had one today. We got along well. I got a total hard on walking with him and on and off through lunch. He has blue eyes that are like fucking aqua. Amazing. Just my type. 5 8, muscly but not too much, great smile, and skin like a baby's ass. Nice forearms too. We are so gonna fuck soon.

New Guy

OK, there's this guy in my gym and I swear to God I swoon. The best part is he is so my type that he is nobody's type but mine. He's really short. I mean like 5 5 short. Maybe 5 6. He's got a great body but not freakish. He's all shoulders and back and chest and bis. He's got a face like guinea pugilist. Nice thick brown hair. Hairy calves. Age is hard to tell? 25? 27? 30? I dunno, but the thing is he's checking me out but I dunno whether he's checking me out to check out the competition and my own development (the way lifters do) or if he's checking me out. Whatever. I wanna sticky my tongue so far up his ass it comes out his throat. Guy gets me seriously hard. I dunno. It that short and stocky thing. I just want him.

Also, I have a date this week. Another guy who's 5 8 and 180? Should be interesting.
Who else? Last week I ran into another cute guy from my gym who had disappeared. Turns out he works on Saturday. We exchanged digits. Plus I saw my work-gym guy this week. He's getting bigger. Looks good. That same day I saw this guy working out. Too handsome for me. Greek/Ital/Latin? AOTA? I dunno. I saw him and the locker room and madon, this guy had an ass I could gotten lost in and a nice thick piece just hanging there waiting. I went and took a leak and came back and he was still naked. Maybe he was dryin, lol. I dunno. That ass, I seriously wanted to bury my face in it. But I'll focus on my little guy for now. Damn, I want him bad.

Worst Professions

These are the people I hate dealing with:

1) Contractors
2) Attorneys
3) RE Brokers
4) Stock Brokers
5) Medical assistants/adminstrators
6) MTA Booth Employees
7) Airline Employees
8) Car salesperson
9) Eyewear salesperson
10) Gym salesperson

Britney is Judy Garland

Totally, Child star thing, etc. But Britney is what, 23? And I think Judy Garland died when she was 47. And the other difference is that Judy Garland had a really good voice and was a decent actress. Fuck it. I'm wrong. There are no parallels...

Vintage Local Commercials

Ths morning I was reminiscing about these local NYC commercials that used to be on 5, 9 and 11 for years:
Ooh Diane!-Hair Salon
Ritz Thrifsthop-"Why thank you!"
Marriots Essex House-We walked and talked and laughed like lovers
Bide-a-Wee Home-with the shots of the old lady who couldn't get up the stairs any more with her dog in her depressing walk-up and the family that moved and could not take the dog--Most depressing commercial ever
Beautiful Mount Airy Lodge-With the heart shaped tub
Polevetzian Dance #2-The classical music commercial that was on for, like, a decade

Sick of Technology

I'm sick of fucking passwords. I'm sick of my fucking computer not remembering my passwords. I'm sick of Blogger fucking me up. I have a very short fantasy of being 17 and in my room. Just for one night. Preferable a Saturday night and I am going out and getting very high and drinking and can sleep as late as I want the next day.

I have a speaking engagement tomorrow and have barely practiced and it is a new one so it will not come easily.

I had a thought today that eventually MySpace is going to be filled with the pages of a lot of dead people because I don't think they inactivate your account. That's kind of weird. Hypothetically there can come a time where there will be more MyDeadSpace pages than live because of course there will always be more dead people than living...

40 is the new 25

Don't cha think? I swear to God with the exception of being closer to death, I can't think of one reason I'd want to trade out where I am now for 25. I'm smarter, better looking and 1000x happier than I was when I was 25. Plus I'd have to be constantly texting with friends, have a tedious MySpace page, and wonder if my elaborate video resume with me lip synching to Scissor Sisters would end up on YouTube...The only thing worse than being 25 would be 24.

#4

My brother got married to a 6 foot tall 22 year old knockout named Galiana. She does not speak English. I'm not even sure if she speaks Russian. She is quite provincial. I give the marriage 18 months-2 years. That long because they are not actually going to inhabit the same country until her son's school lets out over the summer...

Greece, Rome, British Empire and US

After 9/11 I floated this theory around about how all great civilizations must come to an end. I posited that the US might be one of them. Things don't last forever. That was actually my theory on why Cheney got us into the war. Colonize middle east and buy the U.S. another 100 years or more. Anyway, my theory was panned by the jingoistic who didn't hear me say "Do you think the British Empire knoew it was in its swan song? Rome? Why do you think we're so much better? Because we don't execute people or have slaves?. Anyway, happily, Kurt Andersen has a good piece in last week's NY Mag which touches on this very subject. He also says that one of the reasons we could be in denial about this is because we still own silly pop culture globally and that is a smokescreen of sorts. Frightening, isn't it? While China and India are moving right along, we are lulled into a false sens of security by the amount of money a photograph of Britney's bare twat fetches on the open market and the long lines for a chance to audition for American Idol.

The Police

I liked seeing The Police on the grammys. And Prince on the Superbowl. Maybe aging isn't so bad after all? Times are different today. With videos and pop culture and zillions of channels shows/songs/groups never fade away. Kids can have the same references as their parents. In the 70s there was nothing creepier to me than 50s music. Happy Days was a fun show except for the music. Somehow, I think it's different today. Kids can't embrace 80s music because you get emotional attachments to music you first heard as a kid/teen/20s but I doubt they think it's creepy. But I loved the Police. And Stewart C. Cute. I still listen to DSSCTM and Can't stand losing you on my ipod. I remember in 8th grade my friend reinventing me and telling me I needed "to wear baseball jerseys and listen to The Police." I went to their big concert in '83 and my friend's little sister got her first period there. Can you imagine? Joan Jett opened for the police and REM opened for Joan Jett. Nobody listene. We called REM rem. I was so high I imagine. Loved the police.

Orlando

I just got back from Orlando for work. Orlando is awful. There is nothing to do, no where to eat except the fancy versions of Red Lobster and Bennigans, there is shitty ground transport and everything closes down at 10 or 11. I hated it and my hotel was unpleasant. Not to mention flying two hours takes three times as long and unbearable aggravation. Plus my feet are killing me from running around a trade show for days. Oh and guys in Orlando suck, too. They all have cars and I'm in a hotel yet they still have the lazy "no, you come here" attitude. You want to suck me so bad, you come to my hotel asshole. So much for that famous central florida hospitality. Oh wait. It's that famous central florida meth, that's right.

Mom

I was speaking to my mother on Sunday, as usual. I was going to tell her I would stop by for dinner and to visit on Wednesday or Thursday. But she sounded depressed and about 1/3 of the way into the call she told me my brother got married on Saturday. Neither onw of us can remember if it was 3 or 4. #2 may have never been legal. Whatever. It's a non-event to me. I'm not close to him and he lives in Eastern Europe and he has been back here once in the last 10 years.

But my mother was carrying on as she does not approve and it was no win for me because I could not critcize my brother or risk her wrath nor could I commend him because it would seem hollow. I decided not to visit this week. My mother is obsessed with my brother, like Miss Ellie was with Gary.

In the summer when she was in her K-Hole of depression she lashed out at me and said something like "can't you have some compassion for him, you have so much!" She said it in such a nasty resentful manner. I just kept calm even though it is absurd: I don't have so much and at the time she said that to me I had just stood up after 5 years of utter financial instability. But Sunday I thought about that again and thought back to 1990 when I was living in squalor and she offered to come look at new apartments with me. There was this really great place I really wanted but all she kept saying was "this would be great for your brother and Kim." It's like A) we're looking for me and B) This would be great for her. She never got that my brother does what he wants to do and will not fit into her idea of what he should do. Anyway, she ceases having any interest in me when she gets like this. I told her about how I went to this chichi event and met famous people (that she heard of) and all I got was a dull "that's nice."